Everyone has heard the old cliche, "I hope we can still be friends", but not everyone is able to do it after a break up.Attempting to be friends after a break up can be bad for both people.Don't worry if your ex says they want to be friends.It's possible to say no without feeling guilty.
Step 1: It is important to communicate your wishes clearly.
It is important to say that you don't want to be friends.You do not need to rationalize your feelings.If you were dumped, you don't have to explain yourself.It should be short and sweet.Simply say, "I'm sorry, but I don't want to be friends with you."Being friends isn't going to work for me.There is no reason to promise that you will be friends again at some point.Don't say "Let's check back in in six months" or "I'll let you know when I'm ready"If you were the person who initiated the break up, you could say something like, "I know this is hard, but I don't think trying to be friends would be good for either of us."Give them the number of a grief counselor or therapy center."I can't help you through this, but here are the numbers of professionals who can."You can let your friends or family know that they may need some help right now.
Step 2: If possible, have a conversation about it.
Sometimes a relationship ends and you get what you need.You may still feel like you have unanswered questions in some situations.It is possible to make saying no to a friendship easier by having a final conversation.You may find that you don't need a friend anymore.The promise of friendship is no longer a way to get answers.The other person might not be interested in a conversation.You may need to talk to a counselor or close friends in order to process your feelings and move on.You can have a private conversation in a place where you don't have to be rushed.It is possible to change thoughts and feelings via e-mail or letters.
Step 3: New boundaries should be established.
It is likely that you need to be clear about what your new boundaries will be.Depending on how intertwined your life is, this will vary.It is okay to make strong demands.For example, you can say, "I don't want you attending any party or event where you know I will be." Your ex may not be willing to accept your terms, but you should begin the negotiation by at least being clear about what your ideal situation is.One of you should leave as soon as possible.You can't move on if you continue to live together.Why would you want to live with your ex?If your ex is dependent on you financially, you may need to reach out to your friends and family to help.If you're able to, you can give your ex a small amount of money to help them support themselves for a short period, provide care for your children, or pay a temporary place to live.The details of an arrangement like this will have already been settled in marriages with premarital agreements.
Step 4: Guidelines can be created for unavoidable contact.
There will likely be times when contact is unavoidable if you have children or pets with each other.You can both agree on how to handle those times if you make a clear plan.By clearly stating your needs, you can take control of the situation.You may need to negotiate.If you work together, you may have to say something like, "I understand that you need to keep working here, so we can interact occasionally."I can do that, but I won't be interacting with you socially at work or visiting my department unless it's unavoidable.If you don't want to talk to your ex at all, you may need the help of a family counselor or lawyer.If there is a misunderstanding, you should write down the guidelines you have established.
Step 5: Don't try to contact them.
If you still don't feel closure, this may be difficult.It is natural to want to reach out to your ex.If you have time to heal, cut off all contact.It is possible to remove their number from your phone.It can help prevent texting.Write in a journal if you feel the need to contact them.You can either write out how you are feeling or write an imaginary letter.Without actually reaching out to them, this can help you process feelings.Call a friend instead of contacting your ex if you feel the urge.You should not go to places you know you will run into.If you have to change your usual routine, stay away from the bars and coffee shops.They should not walk home using the route that goes right by their house.
Step 6: Ignore flirtation or mixed signals.
Even if you have asked them not to, your ex may still reach out.They may communicate with you in a flirtatious way.Do not respond.It is disrespectful of the boundaries you have established.You may be manipulated by your ex to reestablish contact.Do not respond to their messages unless they explicitly say that they want to get back together on terms that you could agree to.If you're worried about your ex threatening or stalking you, seek help from a domestic violence shelter.You may want to file a restraining order.It has the word friends in it.
Step 7: Don't follow them on social media.
Seeing their latest posts will bring up old feelings and remind you of your ex.If necessary, you may need to block them.If they start posting photos of themselves with their new date on social media, you will feel bad.It's useful to get off of social media after a break up.You can do a social media fast for a week, a month, or more.This will allow you to focus on your own accomplishments and not worry about seeing pictures of your ex.
Step 8: Take a break from yourself.
You have more time to do things you enjoy now that the relationship is over.If you haven't had time recently, get back to your hobbies.Do something fun with a friend you haven't seen in a while.Spending time outdoors, exercising, and doing something you love is a great way to connect with yourself.It is important to get back to feeling good being on your own when you are alone.It's a good idea to spend time with friends and loved ones.Spending time with people who care about us helps us remember who we are apart from.
Step 9: Start dating again.
Depending on how serious the relationship was, this might take a long time.It is good to take steps to find a new relationship when you are ready.You can use online dating apps to find other people who are similar to you.If your last relationship was a long and serious one, you may be looking for casual dating right now.You can use many apps to find others looking for that.If your last relationship ended because you were looking for marriage and a family and your partner wasn't ready, online apps can help you identify other people who are also looking.You should tell people about what you are going through.You don't have to give them too much information, but you can say something like, "I got out of a serious relationship fairly recently."I am excited to be dating again, but I still have some processing to do.