Sometimes after a break up, you still have feelings for your ex and want to be with them.Asking your ex to get back together can be scary, but if you take your time and learn from the past, there's a chance they'll say yes
Step 1: Understand the end of the relationship.
What did you do to cause the break up?Over time, most relationship troubles build up.It wasn't a one-sided problem and there were signs that it was going to happen.Before you try to get your ex back, take some time and do some soul searching.It's important to make sure you don't waste your time on something useless.Failure to communicate is the most common cause of the break up of romantic relationships.Setting clear expectations and openly discussing frustrations can be used to fix this problem if your relationship was otherwise happy.Even infidelity or jealousy can be overcome with work and counseling.
Step 2: The person who initiated the break up is recalled.
Was it you?Did you do it after careful thought or in a fit of anger that you now regret?Did your ex have specific reasons?Was it a mutual decision?It's important that you understand why the break up happened in the first place.If your ex was against breaking up, it might be easier for you to get back together.
Step 3: Understand your emotions.
It is easy to confuse feelings of loneliness and hurt with evidence that you need your ex back in your life after a break up.Most people who experience a break up feel remorse for the lost relationship, along with feelings of anxiety, guilt, depression, and loneliness.The more serious the relationship was, the more severe the feelings are; couples who are married or cohabiting tend to have the worst breakups.The severity of your feelings doesn't mean you should get back together with your ex.Do you miss having a boyfriend or girlfriend?Did he or she make you feel better about yourself, more secure, and happier?When the excitement of being in love has worn off and you are stuck in the daily routines of life, do you imagine yourself with this person for the rest of your life?If you're missing the security of having someone and the excitement of a dramatic relationship, you can find them with someone else.It's important to take time after a break up to figure out if you should be with that person.Rekindled relationships can suffer from a lack of trust and can be more prone to break up.If you don't know if you want to be with this person in the long-term, try to get over your ex instead of pursuing him or her again.
Step 4: It's a good idea to avoid contact for a month after the break-up.
If they want to talk, they will call you.Nothing will change if they don't.When ignoring your ex makes them feel like you are fine without them, it's the opposite of what they want.It's not just a passive aggressive way to avoid contact with your ex.It gives you time to get ready for a new relationship, whether it's with your ex or someone new.Take time during this month to get to know yourself as an individual and to work on areas that you may have let slip during your relationship with your ex.If you contributed to the break up, now is the time to fix your relationship weaknesses and improve as a human being.You will be able to distinguish between normal grief after a break up and a real desire to be with your ex again.Even if their ex was a jerk, most people feel sad after a break up.Time alone can help you sort out your feelings.
Step 5: Don't pay attention to yourself.
You should hang out with your friends.Contribute to work and other activities.You don't want to look needy or like you're waiting for your ex to contact you again.People who regain a sense of self after a break-up recover more quickly than those who don't.
Step 6: Do not pursue your ex during this time.
No calling, texting, or asking about how he or she is doing is what that means.Do not ask your ex if he or she is seeing anyone or why the break up happened.This comes across as desperate.It is important to not pursue your ex for a while, but it is okay to be responsive if he or she does.If you get a call, don't hang up on your ex or refuse to talk.If you want to push him or her further away, you don't need to play mind games or play hard to get.Don't let jealousy set in if you hear that your ex is seeing someone else.You shouldn't try to stop a new relationship.It's a good idea to give your ex some time to find out if you really are the one.
Step 7: If they are still interested, you can find out.
You need to know if your ex still cares or not.Knowing if your ex still cares about you is the most important clue.You don't need to find out right away, and you should not have friends do your investigative work for you.Don't pursue your ex for at least a month after the break up; instead, look for subtle hints when you run into him or her at school or work, social media posts, or comments that your mutual friends make.If your ex is still interested in you, there is a good chance you will win him or her back.
Step 8: Work on your self-esteem
You're probably lacking in self-esteem if you struggle with neediness.You might be looking for your ex to make you feel better about yourself, but you are the only person who can do that.You shouldn't base your happiness on someone else.It makes them feel bad and resentful towards you.Self-esteem is about believing that you are good enough to do the things you do.It is important that you feel complete and whole as an individual rather than looking for someone else to complete you or make your life worthwhile.If you want to improve your self-esteem, focus on your strengths in all areas: emotional, social, talents and skills, appearance, and any others that are important to you.You might have a talent for baking, a natural ability to make people feel understood, and gorgeous hair.It is possible to feel adequate and valuable as an individual if you focus on the positive and ignore the negative.Make yourself useful if you feel useless.Baking cookies for your elderly neighbors is something you can do with your natural talent.
Step 9: You should be the person your ex fell in love with.
When the two of you first met, try to remember.Did he or she love you?Did it be your quirky jokes or your amazing sense of style?Try to reignite the fire the same way it was started.They were attracted to you because you fulfilled their emotional needs and they felt good with you.How have you changed?If any, correct bad habits and mistakes.Positive around them.You can laugh and smile.Make yourself attractive to others by staying positive.
Step 10: Your appearance will be improved.
Change your hair, hit the gym, or do your nails, and get a few items of new clothing.It's a good idea to make yourself stand out from what your ex remembers of you.It is always helpful to be the best you can be, even if you don't want to change who you are in order to get your ex back.You can try to get over your ex's attraction to you.
Step 11: Spend time with people you don't know.
Spending time with other men or women will let your ex know that you are looking for a relationship again.It is time to stop you from looking elsewhere if they are still interested.If you don't want to lead others on, you can meet up with groups for a movie night or spend time with a friend of the opposite sex.Being around single people makes your ex jealous.
Step 12: It's a good idea to hang out with your ex.
He or she can do things like have a drink with friends or play miniature golf with others.It's possible to make it something friends and first dates can do that.Don't worry, keep it fun and ignore the serious talks for now.It is important to make sure that your friendship is intact before moving to romance territory.If your ex says "I'm no longer in love with you", you might be able to recreate the experience of falling into love by building intimacy with him or her.One study had two strangers stare into each other's eyes and then answer personal questions, like "What is your biggest fear?"What is your best childhood memory?They were able to create an intimate bond between the strangers, creating attraction and even feelings of love.If you can ask deep questions and look into your ex's eyes, you may be able to move your relationship back into intimate territory.
Step 13: You can ask your ex to talk to you.
After you have been friends for a while, it is time to talk about your past and your future together.Although texting and talking over the computer is a common way to communicate in an established relationship, intimate discussions like this should be held in person.You can head to your favorite coffee shop or invite your ex over for dinner.
Step 14: Take advantage of the past.
If your ex liked your outfit, wear it again.Share a memory that made you smile.You used to hang out there.When you meet to talk, wear the jewelry he or she purchased for you.This will let you know that you still have feelings for him or her.
Step 15: You should prepare your words.
The first thing you say to your ex is very important.You won't be able to get them back if you say the wrong words.Even though you're not together, there is a good chance they still have feelings for you.One safe way to approach this conversation is to say something like, "I've been wanting to talk to you about our relationship and see how you have been."When things didn't work out between you, ask if you can talk about it now that you have some perspective.The conversation should progress naturally.If your ex is doing well and reports that he or she is seeing other people, you might decide not to try to convince him or her to get back together.If your ex seems to harbor feelings for you, you may be able to convince them to give it another try.
Step 16: Apologize for your actions.
Give your ex a proper apology if you did anything that contributed to the downfall of the relationship.Don't blame your ex, give excuses, or expect an apology in return for taking full responsibility for the offense.It is possible that your ex contributed to the situation, but you cannot apologize for someone else.Chances are the apology will be reciprocated if he or she leaves it."But" is not a good word to use."I am sorry, but..." means that I am not sorry.Don't say "I'm sorry if you were offended."It seems like you are blaming the other person, and not a real apology.A true apology should be structured like this: regret, responsibility, and remedy.The first step shows that you are sorry for what you've done.Without making excuses or blaming someone else, the second step puts the responsibility on you.The final step can change your behavior in the future.I apologized for blowing you off when you wanted to spend time with me.You must have felt neglected.I'm going to make it a point to do more things with you so you don't feel like that again.I'm happy that you gave me your point of view.
Step 17: Talk.
Since communication problems are the number one cause of breakups, you need to work extra hard as a couple to ensure that you always keep lines of communication open.It's important to take time to establish expectations when you get back together.Make a plan for dealing with unmet expectations.If you broke up with your ex because he or she spent too much time with friends, talk openly about how you will negotiate with one another if you need more time together.
Step 18: Remember what led to your break up.
There are relationships that are volatile and emotionally unstable.It is possible to prevent some of the same challenges from coming up again if you remember what caused your original break up.You used to disagree in those areas.The issues that caused your break-up are likely to be tender areas for the two of you.When the newness wears off of your romance, jealousy, family issues, and other issues will still be there.
Step 19: Your relationship should be treated like a new one.
The first relationship you had was not a good one.New rules of engagement are built when you treat the second time like a new relationship.Take it slowly.Don't assume you should pick up where you left off in your previous relationship, for example, sleeping together and saying "I love you", which should not come into play until you've rebuilt your trust.Get to know each other.If it has been a while since you were together, you and your ex have changed as individuals.You should not assume you know everything about him or her.Take some time to get to know one another.
Step 20: Counseling is a good option.
If you were married or in a serious relationship, you are likely to need couples therapy in order to discover the root of your problems and ensure that you can overcome them.If you're in a new relationship, be prepared to put in extra work because cycling relationships tend to have a higher rate of dissatisfaction, lack of trust, and eventual failure.
Step 21: If your relationship won't work, watch for signs.
Sometimes two people are not compatible, and you might have strong feelings for this person.If your relationship is toxic, you need to move on.Abuse of any kind is one of the signs that your relationship is troubled beyond repair.If your ex coerced you to have sex or hurt you, then you should not try to win him or her back.There is a lack of respect on both sides.There is no respect in that relationship if you or your ex say bad things about one another to your family or friends.There are many features of an emotionally abusive relationship.If you want someone to show you respect, find someone who will treat you with respect as well.There is a history of unfaithfulness.While some relationships can move on from infidelity, broken trust is hard to repair and even if you can rebuild it, it is easily broken again.Extra support in the form of ongoing counseling is likely to be required for a relationship that has experienced infidelity.
Step 22: Listen to people you care about.
Those who are close to you and know you well have good insight into your relationships.If someone you know and trust has a bad feeling about your relationship, you should take that as an indication that there could be trouble.If you know a friend or family member dislikes your ex, ask them why.You can find out if it's based on how the ex treats you or others, knowledge your friend may have that you don't, or other evidence that might be meaningful.
Step 23: You should accept the break up and move on.
If none of the steps above have worked for you, and if you have assessed the situation and decided it is not healthy or wise to continue trying to get your ex back, be sure to take time for yourself emotionally to recover from your broken heart.It is important to remember that the best parts of the relationship are the ones that helped you grow as a person.One way to help you do this is to write about the positive aspects of the break up for three days in a row.Try to let the relationship go after three days.Give yourself time to be alone, to spend time with family and friends, and to do things you love.You can start looking for love again when you're in a good place.