The all important 3 M's of Bar/Bat Mitzvah gifts, how much should I give for a Bar Mitzvah gift?
You should give the money in multiples of $18.In Jewish numerology, the number 18 means "Chai" or "life".You are blessing the young boy/ girl with a long and successful life.
Don't be in a rush to take out a mortgage for your Bar/Bat Mitzvah cash gift because it is not a wedding.
You are giving a gift to a teenager.They don't need a lot of money and should not get used to it at a young age.
If the Bar Mitzvah is at the Hilton, then that gift amount can cause you to lose your uncle status.
A rule of thumb is to take the amount you would normally spend on a birthday present and divide it by 1.5.If you spent $100, then $150 sounds like it would be in line with the tradition.
If you have a relationship amount of $50-$72 in multiples of 18, the same holds true.You might be able to get away without sending anything.If the situation was reversed, would you like it if someone close to you didn't attend your child's Bar/Bat Mitzvah, and did not send a gift on top of it?In most cases, you will divide the gift amount by the number of people.If you are invited to a Bar Mitzvah ceremony of a distant relative, he is having it in a nice event hall.If we follow the rules of thumb above, we will be able to get anything between $50 and $100 per person.It is acceptable to give between half and 1/3 of the amount you would give as an adult if we are attending with 2 kids.$252 is the amount I will withdraw from the ATM... or, perhaps write a check.If you would rather give the money to the parents and have them decide how to invest it, it would be better to use a check.Kids at the age of 12 usually don't carry checks, and they'll usually need the help of their parents to cash it.If you want the Bar/Bat Mitzvah to spend the money as they see fit, then cash is the preferred choice.You can have the cake and eat it at the same time.You teach them about the importance of giving Tzedakah.It can be difficult to decide how much money you should give, but it doesn't have to be.
If you aren't physically attending the ceremony, the same holds true.You might be able to get away without sending anything.If the situation was reversed, would you like it if someone close to you didn't send a gift for your child's Bar/Bat Mitzvah?
There is no one answer.In most cases, you will divide the gift amount by the number of people.
If you are invited to a Bar Mitzvah ceremony of a distant relative, he is having it in a nice event hall.You and your family are going to attend as a family.
We can settle for anything between $50 and $100 per person if we follow the rules of thumb above.Let's go with $72 to keep things simple.
It is acceptable to give between half and two thirds of the amount you would give as an adult, because we are attending with 2 kids.
Don't forget that at the end of the day, it's a teenager we're talking about here.Teenagers aren't famous for their fiscal policies.
It would be better to give the money to the parents and have them decide how to invest it, rather than cash.Kids at the age of 12 usually don't carry checks, and they'll usually need the help of their parents to cash it.You are making sure the money goes through the parents first.
Cash is the preferred choice if you want the Bar/Bat Mitzvah to spend the money as they see fit.
If you know the young Bar/Bat Mitzvah, then perhaps you should get an appropriate gift instead.
A big part of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah memory is the gifts you received from your friends and family, unless you give a ridiculously high amount.
It is a great idea to get the Bar/Bat Mitzvah a nice Tzedakah box, and chip in the first $18, depending on how generous you feel that day.You can have the cake and eat it at the same time.You teach them about the importance of giving Tzedakah.
It can be difficult to decide how much money to give for a Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony.
It is still a 12 or 13-year-old teenager, so no need to give away ridiculous amounts.
You should be golden if you follow the guidelines I laid out in this article and give the kid a decent Bar/Bat Mitzvah gift amount.
Wow!I am very thankful for this article.A lot of my Jewish friends are African American.We are headed to our third Bat Mitzvah next week and I am always so conflicted on what to purchase my daughter's friends.We have been giving $100 and even one child received a Tiffany's charm, this can become pricey, especially with graduations and other birthday parties.Thanks for clearing this up.
The article is helpful.Is the amount given a guideline per person?We are invited as a family of 4.
The devil is in the details.I mentioned in the article that it depends on where the Bar Mitzvah is held, the social habits, and how close you are.
It is best to give Bar Mitzvah money on a per person basis if it is your first cousin.
Less cash will be needed if it is a third cousin who is having a Bar Mitzvah party.
Ok.It is my kid that is invited and I don't want to sound crazy but I would barely spend 20$ on a gift for my son's friend so $50 sounds insane.When a child celebrates another child, is this really the expectation?
There are no hard rules about how much money you should give.A Bar/Bat Mitzvah is more than just a 12th birthday party, and so it is customary to give a little more.
I am not sure how much I should give to my cousin's grandson because we are both adults.I was wondering if it was too much.Thanks in advance, I would appreciate your answer soon.
I can't tell you whether that's too much or not without knowing the little details.
It is best to give money in installments of $18.Give $288 or $306 instead of $300.
Thanks for the reply, I need your help again.The money goes to the bar.My cousin's grandparent will not be informed about the amt.I gave.She sent $100 but was unable to attend the wedding due to it being in Israel.It was nice of her.After the bar mitzvah there is a dairy luncheon.I want them to be happy when they open the envelope.$200 for two adults is enough.What do you think?The notes will be put in the kotel.Thanks!
It goes to the Bar Mitzvah boy.Whether the grandparents know depends on whether the parents tell them or not.).
I was not sure who to give the envelope to.The bar mitzvah boy or his parents?We have a big box in Israel where you slip the envelope in and at the end they count the money.Thanks a lot for your help.
It is possible that there will be a big safe at the luncheon.
Give it to the parents if not.Would you trust a 13-year-old with a bunch of money?
One question for you.The twin girls are having a Bat Mitzvah.My daughter is good friends with one of the girls.The mom and dad are my friends.Is it a good idea to give a gift to both girls?Do you mean $54 to each?I thought the invitation was for the service and luncheon.What are you thinking?
1.If you only give $54 to one of the daughters, the parents will think it's $27 for both girls, which is quite low.2.I would not want to offend any of the girls or their parents.
When do you send the gift to the child when your husband isn't attending the Bar Mitzvah?
Between the reply and the celebration day should be fine.The closer it is to the celebration day, the better.
I agree that what you give is heavily influenced by your relationship and how close you are to the child and family, but I find the weighing up of what kind of party they are having not only irrelevant but distasteful.If we are invited to the bar mitzvah of close family friends and one can only afford a garden tea and the other can afford flash dinner dance, then I would still be giving the kids the same gift.I don't understand why I would punish the kid for the party their parents are able to give them.What I can afford is the only thing other than the relationship that influences what I spend.On the rare occasion, I may adjust my spend to not let the receiver feel pressured to reciprocate similarly.
The kids are not punished based on how flashy the party is.Quite the opposite.People who are close to the Bar Mitzvah and his family will usually do their best to please them, regardless of where the ceremony is taking place or how expensive it is.
The cost of the event is one of many nuances that come into play.The cost is a proxy for the impact on your relationship with the boy and his parents.
It is a natural human tendency to compare.Since we are talking about money, you can only compare how much he/she gave.
It is different if you choose Bar Mitzvah gifts.The "Less is Better" rule from behavioral economics comes into play when people compare their gifts relative to one another, as opposed to comparing them to each other.
There are lots of helpful advice here.Thanks!I would like to present the cash to the young man in an interesting way because we decided on the amount to give.I do not want to give him a tzedakah box or folding it into something.Is it acceptable to bundle the cash into 12 groups of $18, meaning paper clipping a 10, a 5, and 3 1's together for the "good luck" and having 12 bundles of the same for $216?I think it is standing out as 12 times the luck.I would write a personal message on the card and take the parents to the actual party.Thanks for your thoughts!
If you need help crafting your personal message, check out our Bar Mitzvah card wishes article.It will give you a lot of ideas, not just for one card.
Thank you, Rafael!I have one more question and I promise it is the last one.I would love to include the passage from the Old Testament in your section on Bar Mitzvah card wishes.I am a Christian and want to be respectful on this important occasion.I don't know if I should write this verse in the young man's card since we are different religious beliefs.Thanks so much for your help.
I don't see a problem with that.If that is appropriate or not depending on your relationship with the family, you know better than me.
We are going to my daughters friend's Bat Mitzvah and while we parents are friendly and chat when dropping off the kids, we are not very close friends.Our girls are good friends.I am not aware of all the Bat Mitzvah customs because we are not Jewish.My husband and I are going to a party with our daughter, so I was thinking $50 for each of us.Esp.Is $150 too much for the three of us or is $100 more in line?Is it $90 or $108?Your advice would be greatly appreciated.Thank you!
$50 per person is fine.I would not go for less than that since it is in LA.
My daughter has two friends on her sports team who are siblings.We know their parents, but we are not close friends.Judging by the invitation, the party is going to be very fancy.We should give 2x$108 for me and my husband, and $54 for my daughter, but there is a bar and bat mitzvah, so we would be giving... $540 total?Is my calculations correct or too much?Is it a good idea to use one or two cards and write separate checks?
You don't want to punish the siblings and give them less money just because they're celebrating together.I don't think the event costs the parents twice as much as it would if it were a single Bar/Bat Mitzvah.
In this situation, I would probably find out what the other parents are planning to do, and then do the same.I would want to know if they are planning to give money as if it were two independent events or just one event.It will give you an idea of which path to take and how much to give.
Both options work for the cards and checks.If you asked me, I would probably go for two separate ones, so that each sibling can keep their personal Bar/Bat Mitzvah card.
I don't know what to give my friend's son for his Bar Mitzvah.I might see them a few times a year.I'm not sure what you suggest.
Money is easy and you don't have to worry if the boy will like your gift.Give him money and let him use it.
Gifts are more personal and meaningful than simply writing a check.
Thanks for the article.My daughter was invited to a party for her sisters.Instead of gifts, it is suggested to donate to a foundation chosen by the girls.Is the foundation expected to give a gift to the girls if we donate?Is it a good idea for her to bring a card to the celebration?My daughter is not familiar with one of the girls.There is a celebration in Pennsylvania.I would like to thank you for your advice.
If possible, ask the parents if that is what they meant.Try to find out what the other parents are planning to do and follow suit.
My daughter's friend is having a small service here and then another in Israel, and no kids are invited to either.I would like to acknowledge the occasion.Is there a suggestion on the amount of gift?Thank you!
Any thoughts on the region?I grew up in the NY area where gifts are much larger.I think gifts in southeastern Wisconsin are not as extravagant.One person said $25 and the other said $75.
Most of the time, if you stick to money, you will end up in the ranges I mentioned above.
If you were to attend, you would want to give the same amount.
I am interested in the money amounts.The table is above for reference.A boy in my son's class is having a Bar mitzvah.The class is invited.They are classmates.I see the parents at the holiday play once a year.The boy is having a bowling party at night while we have a religious ceremony in the morning and lunch.At this morning's ceremony, are we expected to give a gift of money?
There is no need to give money if you already have a gift for him.Unless you are the boy's grandparent or something, it is usually either a gift or money.
You do not give money at the religious ceremony.It is not allowed to bring money to the prayer service if it is held on a Saturday.
My husband and I received an invitation from another city.We haven't heard from her twins since they were a year old.We won't be going due to health reasons.How much should we spend on the boys?The Bar Mitzvah is at the end of the month.
Even if you are not attending, you would want to send the same amount.It might be considered an "extenuating circumstance" if you don't attend for health reasons.
There is no rule for these scenarios.It is a choice you will have to make at the end of the day, how much money you send or not.
My nephew, my niece, and my nephew's cousin were all close until my sister rudely told my husband about the dog eating the vomit on the floor at the beach.She got divorced about 2 years ago, he was a jerk but she has a lot of baggage.My husband was invited but decided not to attend.When j was a Bar mitzvah in 1963, the bond was $25 for a friend and $50 for someone else, and the stand was $100 or more, but I didn't know I was going to do cash.I can afford it, but is it pushy?
The numbers you mentioned are not that far off from the ones I mentioned in the post.I am sure they will appreciate it.
I don't have a fancy place to go to for my b'nai mitzvah, but it is being held at a nice place.Do you think it's ok for each child to have 112?
Hello.A young man is going to bar mitzvah in the next month.I am not a family member or a peer.Do you have any ideas?Is a gift appropriate?
I mentioned in the article that they both work.A gift is more personal than money.If you know what the young man likes, or if you prefer giving him something a little more personal, consider getting him a gift.If you don't know him all that well, or you prefer to be neutral, then go with money.
We watched via zoom as my nephew had an impromptu Bar Mitzvah.What amount of money should I send?We are a close family.
These are not normal times.I didn't think that Bar and Bat Mitzvahs would be celebrated via zoom.
I don't have a special rule book for Pandemics.If you are close, I would stick to the amounts listed in the table.
My son is attending a zoom Bar and the invite states that they will be having an in person celebration at a later date.Is it a good idea to mail our gift now?Should we plan to give another gift later?
You can mail a gift or wait for the in-person Bar Mitzvah event if you ask the parents what they prefer.