It is difficult to deal with a controlling person.People who are controlling can make you feel isolated.There are a lot of ways to deal with controlling people.Try to keep your cool in the moment.The person will not push you out of your comfort zone again if you set clear boundaries.Don't let your emotions get in the way of managing them.To avoid being drained by a controlling person, you will need to care for yourself.
Step 1: Don't react to bad behavior.
People who are controlling look for a reaction.They may not respond well to criticism or resistance.This is likely to backfire if you get aggressive or angry.Try to remain calm instead of fighting fire.If your live in boyfriend starts getting on your case about not hanging your towel in the exact place he wants it after a shower, then it would be important to assert yourself and open up a dialogue about the situation.Don't lose your temper.I understand that you like the towels to be hung in a certain way.I like it this way because of _____.If we change, I will hang it there or leave that space for you.If the person is trying to change the boundary, you need to stand your ground."We agreed to _____ last week, remember?"
Step 2: If you can, try to understand.
Sometimes it is helpful to see where someone else's bad behavior comes from.There may be underlying emotional issues for people with control issues.You can figure out how to address the person's need for control by understanding this.Try to figure out what the person is getting at when they try to assert control.You live with your girlfriend who is very controlling.She sees that you left some wrappers on the kitchen counter while you took the phone call.She asked, "Why did you need to call before you cleaned up your mess?"The mess isn't really the issue here.It can be deeper, like a person who had a controlling parent, or a background that values a certain behavior.Try asking why the order of your actions was important to her to get a better understanding of the issue.You might think that the other person has seen something that is obvious.You could say "Was there a particular reason you wanted me to clean up before taking the phone call?" or "I know you don't like wrappers out."I took the call when my phone rang.I will put it away now that I'm done.Don't be defensive.If it was a small issue that annoyed them, apologize.You can say, "I'm sorry about the wrappers."I know that having a clean kitchen is important to you.
Step 3: Don't argue.
People who are controlling are excited by power struggles.A controlling person will want to get others involved in an argument that is likely to go nowhere.They need to feel like they're winning.Don't get into a power struggle with them to avoid giving them this satisfaction.You can refuse to argue.If your significant other starts to pick a fight with you, you might say something like, "I think we need to talk about this, but I would rather discuss it when we are both feeling a little calmer."In the long run, you will need to address underlying issues in your relationship and set boundaries.
Step 4: As best you can, maintain your composure.
The controller should not be used to get angry or upset.The controlling people want to break someone down in order to get their way.Limit how much you react on an emotional level.They will only respond with a big reaction.When interacting with a controlling person, try to take a deep breath.You can try to calm them down by thinking of a relaxing beach setting.Noncommittal phrases will buy you time if you have to react.I'm not sure about that.Let me think about it.
Step 5: You have basic rights.
You have rights in any situation.You don't want to give up these rights because you have to interact with a difficult person.It is possible for controlling people to get inside your head and cause you to forget your rights as a human being.You should be treated fairly.Everyone has the right to be treated with respect, to have different opinions, and to say "no" without feeling guilty.If you've been dealing with a controlling person for a long time, you may have forgotten your rights.You should remind yourself of your rights before interacting with someone.When setting boundaries, keep them in mind.A controlling boyfriend may want you to spend time with him instead of with friends.A controlling boyfriend will make you feel guilty if you don't want to sit at home and watch a movie."I have the right to say 'No' to him without feeling bad," is what you should say as you get ready to assert your boundaries.
Step 6: Tell yourself you're in charge.
Taking back your control is the first step to setting boundaries.You can control how you react to someone else's actions.There are choices in regards to how you approach boundaries.People take a happy approach with controlling people.You can try to avoid the person altogether.If you have to see your father, you may not attend family events.Break free from the patterns.I'm in control of whether or not this happens.I don't want to be a victim.Decide if you want to assert your independence or demand respect.
Step 7: You should be clear about your limits.
The limits of those around them are always pushed by controlling people.People who are controlling enjoy knowing they have broken someone's barriers.The controlling person should know where your limits are.Make it clear that you will not tolerate certain behaviors.When you can't tolerate or accept, recognize.There are some small behaviors that you may be willing to follow, like having a rule about where to put dirty dishes.Other issues may be more difficult to tolerate.Think about the things the person does that aren't logical.When you're on a date with your boyfriend, you don't mind taking your phone with you.Even if the two of you are hanging out around his apartment, he expects you to have your phone off and out of sight.Let him know that the rule is not reasonable.
Step 8: You can express your boundaries directly.
When setting boundaries, you want to be very clear.It's a good idea to write your boundaries down on a piece of paper and give it to the controlling person.Make sure your personal boundaries are clear.Tell the person what you will and will not do in the future.Nature makes controlling people difficult.They are going to do everything they can to ignore or misinterpret your boundaries.If you want to lay out your boundaries, be as direct as you can.Say you have a controlling boyfriend."I'm not going to have my phone away at all times when we're together, especially when you expect me to spend most nights at your apartment."When we're together, I'm not going to have my phone off all the time.The rule ends now.
Step 9: When it's necessary, be assertive.
People who are controlling are not likely to accept boundaries right away.They like pushing people out of their comfort zones to get their own way.You will have to remind people of your boundaries.If your boundaries are violated, be clear and assertive.Being assertive doesn't mean being aggressive.When someone has violated a particular boundary, it means respectfully letting them know.When an issue arises, keep your cool.While your boyfriend is sitting in a room with you, the two of you are watching tv.Your boyfriend gets angry when you return a text from a friend.He starts saying rude things.I'm here.Don't respond in anger.Say something like "Knock it off".I'm trying to talk to someone.Stay calm and respond respectfully, like "We talked about this the other day."I have a right to answer this text because you don't need my full attention right now.I'll go back to watching the show when I finish this text message.
Step 10: Your expectations should be realistic.
Difficult people do not change easily.You may find yourself in power struggles after asserting your boundaries.Keep your expectations in check.Don't expect a huge change because you will probably have issues with a controlling person.You can't change someone else.If you've tried to address how harmful their behavior is, a controlling person will not change unless they want to.When interacting with a controlling person, remind yourself that you will probably have to restate boundaries.
Step 11: It's not personal.
Under the surface, controlling people usually have something going on.Underlying issues, such as a tendency towards insecurity, often manifest in a need for control.It's not about you when confronted by a controlling person.You are probably doing nothing wrong.There is an intense need for control by the other person.Try to remember why the person is controlling in the moment.This can help you remember that it isn't about you.My dad is very demanding about my career choices, but his dad was the same way.He doesn't know how to trust me.It's not about me.Look at the requests and demands they are making.Are they always talking about a particular issue?It is possible that the person has certain preferences and needs.They may have control issues if the problem is more widespread.
Step 12: Take care of yourself.
If you have to interact with a controlling person on a regular basis, this is important.If you live with a controlling person, remind yourself that self-care is necessary.You may neglect your own personal care if you cater to the needs of someone who is constantly in control.You have a right to care for yourself.You can give yourself time to exercise, eat right, engage in fun hobbies, and do things that make you happy.If you have to tune out criticism to make time for your own needs, work on it.You need to get a full night's sleep when you work early in the morning.He stays up late because he expects you to go to bed at the same time.If he gives you a hard time, go to bed when you want and then remind him that you need to be up in the morning.
Step 13: Limit the number of interactions.
Getting away from a controlling person is the easiest way to deal with them.If your interactions with the person have become upsetting, try to avoid them.This will make your life easier.Limit your time with a controlling person to meal times and other short spurts.Limit your time with a controlling person if you work with them.If you keep your conversations to small talk, you can choose projects that don't require teaming up with this person.Limit interactions with a controlling family member at family events.Keep phone calls short.
Step 14: If necessary, walk away.
It's okay to walk away from a relationship.Some people are not willing to change.You should end the relationship if someone continually violates your boundaries.Life is too short to be around people who are controlling.