Did Mom or Dad go to defend the peace somewhere else in the world?They might have moved for a new job.It can be difficult to explain the absence of a parent to children when you're the partner left behind.The approach depends on the reason for the absence, the possible outcomes, and the age and maturity levels of the children.
Step 1: Tell the truth about a parent who hasn't been involved.
Prepare for lots of questions if your child has never met the other parent or if the parent has been absent for a long time.Your child will want to know where the parent is and why he isn't involved.Questions about an absent parent will most likely start when your child starts school.If you have a photograph of the absent parent, consider sharing it.Tell your child that there are different families and that they love her.To teach her about all different kinds of families, try using examples from books and movies, or from real life.If the other parent does not want to be involved or you can't get in touch with them, you should not promise a meeting.This is not the child's fault, so make sure you emphasize that.As much as possible, keep your feelings to yourself.As your child gets older, you can give more information about the other parent's absence, but don't say bad things about them.
Step 2: Prepare your child for absences related to work.
If the absence is regular and predictable, you should tell your child when the other parent is coming back by showing them a calendar.Discuss regular travel as a family, so that it becomes a normal expectation within the family and all members can be prepared for the parent to miss occasional special events, such as sports games and celebratory occasions, and can prepare well in advance.Business trips with little warning should be explained so that there will be no surprises.Help your child keep in touch with their absent parent by arranging phone calls or video chats.If the parent is away, you can encourage them to bring back souvenirs from their travels.
Step 3: According to the advice that your deployment officers give, explain military absences.
Give your child the chance to express her feelings, and offer her plenty of support.As long as your child is young, be honest.A toddler only needs to know that their dad will be back by Christmas, while a teenager will need to learn the truth about the deployment and the parent's location.If you can, include your child in your communications with the absent parent.Explain to the child that her mom or dad can't talk to her because of work.
Step 4: According to the age of your child, explain the sudden absences.
Make it clear that the absence is not the child's fault, no matter what the reason is.Younger children may feel as though they are responsible for the absence if you don't assure them otherwise.If the absence is unpredictable, for example, a parent is in the hospital after an accident, explain what has happened, give a generous estimate of when they will be back, and keep your child updated on progress and changes to the dates.Don't let your child worry.Don't give her details that might confuse her but answer her questions and make sure she understands the situation.
Step 5: If the absence is long, be honest.
Tell your child that the absence has nothing to do with her, and also answer any questions she has honestly.If a parent has left the family, you have to tell the truth without angering them.Daddy was unhappy with his life and decided to live in Vegas.Sometimes it will be difficult to keep in touch.If you want to write to him to see how he is doing, I can give you his address.If a parent passes away, be open and honest, encourage the child to express her feelings, and help her cope with her grief as best you can.
Step 6: You should spend more time with your child.
You can try to fill some roles if you want to, but you should not replace the missing parent.If the absence is permanent, you may consider becoming more involved in some of the activities the absent parent used to be involved with.If the absence is temporary, keep your own style and be thoughtful about telling your child that some activities are reserved for the other parent in order to keep those things special and to ensure retention of the sacredness of their bonding.
Step 7: Encourage contact.
If the absence is short-term, encourage the absent parent to stay in touch with the child via phone, video chat, letters, and email.Even though he is far away, your child's other parent is still very much a part of her life.If the absence is long-term, try to encourage some level of contact even if it is only an occasional phone call or letter.Allow older children to decide how often they communicate with their parent.Even if your child doesn't have a close relationship with their absent parent, it's still important to communicate that contact is important.
Step 8: You can share memories.
Positive memories of the absent parent can be shared if your child's other parent has passed away.If the absence began when she was young, your child will have questions about what her other parent was like.Keep things positive and answer these to the best of your ability.
Step 9: Tell the truth and answer questions.
This doesn't mean that a child needs to know everything about the other parent's life, but they should not tell white lies to make her feel better.If the parent is dealing with a problem such as drug addiction and you feel the child is too young to hear about these specifics, just tell her something general.
Step 10: It's a good idea to avoid hostility.
No matter how you feel about the absent parent, don't make your child sad.It's up to her to decide how she feels about her absent parent.If you try to turn your child against her parent, she may have behavioral problems.
Step 11: Allow your child access to counseling.
Some children may benefit from talking to a professional about how they feel when their parent isn't around.If you notice any changes in your child's behavior that you think may be related to the absence, you should encourage counseling.Many children deal with the death of a parent or the imprisonment of their parent through support groups.Talking to other children who have had similar experiences can help them understand and deal with their own feelings.