Parents and their children don't agree.For an argument, everything from curfew to dinner is fair game.It is in everyone's best interest to listen to both sides, reach an agreeable compromise, and move on with their lives.Both parents and their children need to settle arguments.The best way to settle arguments is for both sides to be willing to compromise and accept the outcome.
Step 1: It is a good time to speak to your parents.
It's best to talk to your parents when they are calm and relaxed.They might extend their frustration if they are stressed out.To speak respectfully to your parents, you should be calm and relaxed.You are unlikely to get them to see your point of view if you get agitated and express your frustration.Ask your parents if it's a good time to talk.When you have a free moment, I want to talk to you about something.
Step 2: Listen to your parents.
Listening to your parents case will show you respect them.They will be able to understand their objections to your requests.The key points of why they disagree with you should be the focus of your argument.This will allow you to address your parents main concerns, as well as reinforce the idea that you were listening and respecting their opinion.If your parents are concerned that going out every Friday night will interfere with family time, you could say something like, "I know that family is important, but I need time to be myself."I will be home on Sundays for family dinner.
Step 3: Tell me your point of view.
You should offer your side after listening to your parents.Show them why their concerns don't outweigh your side when you explain your argument.I'm old enough to stay out later and be responsible for the nights you let me come home later if you want me to have a 9:00 p.m. curfew for my own safety.Emphasizing what you've done will reduce their concerns.
Step 4: To express yourself, use "I" statements.
It's a great way to express things in the correct way.You don't want to place blame on the other person by saying this is what I think or feel.It helps prevent your parents from being too defensive by making them more likely to listen to your point of view.If you want to express yourself, you should say something like, "I feel like I get to go out much less than other people my age."If you don't feel that your parents understand your feelings the first time, explain them in a respectful manner and repeat them.You could say, "I feel really hurt that you don't think I'm responsible enough to participate in the decision-making process."
Step 5: Stay calm.
Don't let your emotions get the best of you.Slamming things, yelling at your parents will only make the situation worse.You are reinforcing the idea that you aren't mature enough to have an adult conversation with your parents when you are expressing how strongly you feel about the issue.Instead of raising your voice to talk to your parents, listen carefully and reply in a calm tone with something like "I understand your concerns, but let me explain my side, please."
Step 6: Stay on topic.
Don't bring up arguments or disagreements.It will make your parents defensive, and distract you from the issue you are trying to work out.Family members or friends shouldn't be involved in the argument to support you.If another person is related to the discussion, they should be included.If you want your parents to let you go out tonight, you shouldn't call your grandmother.Do not mention last week's discussion about doing dishes as a focus on whether or not you can go out tonight.You always do this to me.You were awful to me last week about the dishes, and now you want me to go out with my friends, which will only escalate the argument and distract the conversation.
Step 7: Personal attacks are not advisable.
Personal attacks will make it hard for your parents to see your side of the argument.The attacks will show that you are not handling the situation in a mature and responsible way.Staying on point and being clear about what you want to get out of the conversation is more important than making personal attacks.You are the worst parents.They have no place in an argument.Try something like "I know you think this is the best decision for me, but I disagree."
Step 8: There are ideas that are beneficial.
Both sides should benefit from a compromise.You can show your parents that you're trying to be responsible by offering legitimate compromises.You give them an opportunity to achieve something that helps them.You understand their position and are willing to work with them.You could say, for example, that you are afraid that my grades will suffer if I play a sport, but I will commit to studying an extra hour every Saturday and Sunday if you let me play.
Step 9: Keep your requests reasonable.
If you want to stay out later, you should ask your parents to make it 9;00 or 10:00.Asking your parents to stay up late is not a reasonable request.It is unrealistic to show your parents that you can be out a little later and still be responsible if you jump that way.
Step 10: The middle ground is where to find it.
Sometimes your parents don't budge from their decision.If you're willing to look for the middle ground, you may be able to get part of what you want.There are things that can get you closer to what you want while still respecting your parents' wishes.You could say, "I understand that you don't want me to stay overnight for Rachel's party because you're worried we'll get into trouble."Is it possible that you pick me up when I stay until midnight?I could text and have Rachel's mom call you.
Step 11: Don't end the conversation before you resolve it.
Don't get angry or fed up with the conversation before a resolution is reached.If you are still discussing the exact time of curfew, it will not benefit you to end the conversation just because your parents say "Midnight is out of the question." It eliminates the possibility of reaching a compromise that would up your curfew to 9:00, 10:00, or even 11:00.It shows that you aren't mature enough to handle being told no.
Step 12: Understand your parents point of view.
Your parents are used to making decisions in a way that is best for you.You had no say in day to day care and decisions for over a decade.As you get older, that changes quickly.You need to understand the position of your parents.It doesn't mean that your parents are wrong to say that a curfew is necessary.
Step 13: Let the argument go.
Your parents tend to make decisions based on what they think is best for you.You need to acknowledge that their decision is intended to help you become a successful adult, even if you disagree.You have to let the argument go and not bring it up when you disagree with your parents.If you argue over the time of curfew, you should not be angry with your parents the next day.
Step 14: For the next argument, start making your case.
You are showing your maturity by accepting the outcome gracefully.When you disagree with your parents, treat them with respect.Building a track record of being mature and respectful to your parents will make it easier for them to trust you, and in the future, try to let you make more decisions for yourself."I understand why you want me to have a curfew, but I don't think I need one, and I'll follow the rules." is an example.
Step 15: Avoid arguments in the future.
Keeping the lines of communication open will help you avoid future arguments.Before you get upset, talk to your parents about your needs and wants.You should be willing to compromise from the beginning if you have reasonable requests.Explain the situation to your parents if you want to stay out after curfew on Friday because there is a school dance.Mention that the dance runs until after curfew, and that you'd like to be there and come home after.