When people feel bad about themselves in comparison to their standards for themselves as well as those of society, it's called shame.Feelings of shame can cause people to engage in self-destructive and risky behaviors, such as alcohol and drug abuse, and can also cause long-term physical and emotional problems.You can avoid this path entirely by letting go of shame and instead value yourself and your contributions to the world.It's important to remember that you are much more than the one thing you said or felt.
Step 1: The pursuit of perfectness should be given up.
Trying to be perfect in every area of our lives is not realistic and sets us up to feel bad when we don't measure up.The media and society suggest we can be perfect if we look, act, and think a certain way, but this is not a reflection of reality.Thanks to society and the media, we all have ideas about what we should do.Trying to avoid putting stock in the word "should" is a good way to let go of these beliefs."Should" statements imply that if you aren't thinking or doing something, there is something wrong with you.Holding yourself up to impossibly high standards will cause a vicious cycle of shame and low self-esteem.
Step 2: Stay away from rumination.
Negative feelings can lead to shame and self-loathing.Research has shown that ruminating on your feelings of shame can lead to depression, social anxiety, and even increased blood pressure.People tend to ruminate more over something that happened to them in a social context, such as a public presentation or performance, rather than a private experience like a fight with a spouse.We care deeply about the opinions of others and worry that we will be embarrassed or shamed if we don't like them.We get stuck in self-shaming and negative thinking because of this.Referring doesn't solve anything or make the situation better, but it is easy to fall into.It can make things worse.
Step 3: Show your compassion.
You should nurture self-compassion and kindness if you are in danger of ruminating.You should be your own friend.If you treat yourself like a friend or loved one, you will not engage in negative self-talk.The ability to step back and realize that you would not let a friend engage in this kind of selfdestructive thinking is required.Increased life satisfaction, decreased self-criticism, and mental well-being are some of the benefits that have been suggested.Try to write something down.If you feel the urge to ruminate, instead write a compassionate paragraph to yourself that expresses your awareness of your feelings but also recognizes that you are deserving of love and support.10 minutes of self-compassion can make a difference.When you feel a dwelling spiral about to happen, develop a habit that you can draw on.Put your hand on your heart and say, "may I be safe and kind to myself."May I have peace of mind and heart.You are expressing concern for yourself in this way.
Step 4: Don't focus solely on the past.
Shame paralyzes people in the present, making them anxious, fearful, depressed, and have low self-esteem.You can't change the past, but you can choose how it affects your future.As you forge ahead to a better life, leave your shame behind.It is possible for change and transformation to happen.There is a beautiful thing about the human condition.You are not beholden to your past for the rest of your life.You can bounce back from a tough period if you remember that life is about the long haul.
Step 5: Show your flexibility.
Don't respond to your experiences with "all or nothing" thinking or judgment.Tensions between the expectations we hold for ourselves and what is actually possible are created by this kind of thinking.There is a lot of life that is gray.People behave and think differently and live their own variation of the "rules", so be aware that there are no true rules for life.Try not to pass judgement on others and be more open about the world.Cultivating a more open attitude about society and the people within it can affect how we think of ourselves.You may be willing to let go of some of the judgements that result in feelings of low self-esteem and shame over time.
Step 6: Let go of the influence of others.
It is possible that you have people around you who give you the same types of negative messages about you, even close friends and family.In order to let go of shame and move forward, you will need to minimize toxic individuals who bring you down rather than lift you up.10 pound weights are the negative statements of others.It becomes more difficult to get back up when you are weighed down.Remember that people can't define who you are as a person.You can't define who you are.
Step 7: Cultivate well-being.
Research shows that therapy based onMindfulness can help with self-acceptance and reduce shame.It is possible to learn to observe your emotions without heightened emotions.Rather than trying to avoid the experience, you open yourself up to it in a non-reactive manner.You have to acknowledge and experience the shame before you can let it go.Being aware of the negative self-talk that accompanies shame is not easy.The task is not to give power to the emotions that arise, but to acknowledge and recognize shame.Try to find a quiet place to practice.If you want to focus on your breathing, sit in a relaxed position.Take the inhales and exhales.Your mind will wander at some point.Take note of what you are feeling when this happens.Don't judge it; just be aware of it.If you can bring attention back to your breath, this is the real work.You are learning how to cope with negative feelings without actually trying to change them by acknowledging and de-centering your thoughts.You are changing your relationship to your thoughts and feelings.The content of your thoughts and emotions change as you do this.
Step 8: Don't be afraid of acceptance.
Accept that you can't change anything about yourself.You are who you are, that's fine.Acceptance can help individuals step out of a cycle of shame and towards more functional ways of living.You won't be able to change the past or go back in time.Accepting yourself as you are right now is what you have to do.Acceptance involves acknowledging difficulty and showing awareness that you are able to deal with painful feelings in the present moment.I can work to resolve my feelings if I accept that I feel bad now, but I know that emotions come and go.
Step 9: The focus should be on the positive.
If you want to avoid feeling shame for not meeting your standards, focus on your accomplishments and achievements.You will see that you offer real value to the world and to yourself and you have lots to be proud of.Write down your achievements, positive attributes, and the ways in which you have helped others.A list of different categories can be created.Always add to the list when you do new things, such as graduate from school, rescue a puppy, or win an award.It's drawn attention to things that make you happy, like smiling or being goal-directed.If you feel that you aren't measuring up, return to your list.You can build a more positive self-image by recalling all of the things that you have done.
Step 10: Give a helping hand to others.
Research shows that people who help others have higher self-esteem than those who don't.It may seem counter-intuitive, but the science shows that connecting with others increases our positive feelings about ourselves.Helping others makes us happier.You will be making a difference in someone's world as well.Not only will you be happy, but someone else will as well.There are many ways to get involved and make a difference.Consider volunteering in a soup kitchen.Offer to coach a children's sports team.When a friend needs a hand, make them a bunch of meals to freeze.You can volunteer at the shelter.
Step 11: Affirmatives to be offered daily.
AnAffirmation is a positive statement that is meant to encourage you.Positive Affirmations help to restore your sense of self-worth as well as increase the compassion you show for yourself.If a friend expressed feelings of guilt or shame, you would show them compassion and not treat them the way you treat yourself.Do the same thing for yourself.To yourself, be kind.Each day, set aside time to say something.I'm a good person.Even though I have done questionable things in the past, I deserve the best.I learn from my mistakes.I have a lot to offer the world.I have value to myself and others.
Step 12: Know how opinions and facts differ.
It can be difficult to separate out opinions and facts.An opinion is an opinion that may be based on some facts but is not a fact."I am 17 years old" is a fact.You have a birth certificate to prove that you were born 17 years ago.There is nothing to challenge that fact."I'm stupid for my age" is an opinion, even if you might offer proof, like not being able to drive or not having a job.You can evaluate this opinion more critically if you think more carefully about it.It's possible that you can't drive because your parents work too much or you're not able to afford driving lessons.Maybe you don't have a job because you look after your siblings.Negative opinions can be reexamined with a closer look at the details if you think more carefully about the opinions you hold.
Step 13: Don't forget to appreciate your own uniqueness.
You are cheating yourself when you compare yourself to others.You have a lot to offer the world and you are a unique individual.You were meant to shine, and put your shame behind you.Rather than hiding behind a veil of social conformity, focus on highlighting your individuality and those neat things that make you.You can mix quirky clothes and patterns in your presentation.Maybe you love Europop.Maybe you can build things with your hands.You might be surprised if you embrace these aspects of yourself.What kind of innovations can come from honing in on your skills?Alan Turing, Steve Jobs, and Thomas Edison were all unique individuals who helped foster their exceptional discoveries and contributions.It's not written that you have to look like everyone else or follow the same life trajectory.Not everyone has to follow current fashion or music trends in order to get married and have children.These are things that the media and society promote, but are not actually true.What makes you feel good is what you choose to do.You are the only one who can feel good about you.Follow the beat of your own drum and not anyone else's, because you have to live with yourself.
Step 14: Positive social support is what you should surround yourself with.
Most humans benefit from social and emotional support from family, friends, co-workers and others in our social networks.It's helpful for us to discuss our issues with other people.Social support makes us better able to cope with our problems because it increases our self-esteem.A correlation has been shown between perceived social support and self-esteem.If you feel supported by the people around you, you will be better able to deal with stress and negative feelings.There's no one-size-fits-all mentality when it comes to social support.Some people prefer to have just a few close friends who they can turn to, while others cast a wider net and find support among their neighbors or church or religious community.Look for people who have a personal code of confidentiality.Remember, you don't want to rely on someone who will make you feel worse about yourself, even if that person does not intend to do so.New forms of social support can be found in our modern age.If you're worried about having to talk to someone face-to-face, there are other ways to stay in touch with family and friends.
Step 15: Talk to a mental health professional.
If you are struggling to improve your self-esteem and feel that your feelings of shame are affecting your daily mental and physical functioning, you should make an appointment with a counselor, psychologist, or other mental health professional.A therapist can help you improve your image.Sometimes people can't fix everything on their own.Therapy has been shown to raise self-esteem and quality of life.A therapist can help you cope with any mental health issues that you may be facing as a result of your shame and low self-esteem, including depression and anxiety.Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.