Leaving your wife after you've decided to call it quits can be one of the toughest things you will ever do.You can make it through the process if you protect yourself and stay calm.
Step 1: If you have a hard or soft problem, figure it out.
If you are facing a hard problem, you should leave the relationship immediately.If you want to end your marriage over a soft problem, you need to take your time to really evaluate it.Abuse, addiction, and adultery are some of the hard problems.The sensation of being "in love" can be a soft problem.These problems usually make people feel isolated, ignored, or criticized.You need to address your underlying problems before you can conclude that leaving your wife is the best way to remedy them.Do you know if your relationship is healthy?I don't know if I'm getting those things from my partner.It may be time to rethink your marriage if not.
Step 2: Don't be dishonest and realistic.
Leaving your wife will be torturous even if you manage to separate on agreeable terms.You should stop dreaming of an idealistic future if you want to leave your wife to pursue it.If you're thinking of leaving your wife for an old high school sweetheart or a new, exciting lover, there's a high chance that you aren't considering the benefits of your current marriage or the repercussions that may result.
Step 3: If help is an option, get help.
If you have a soft problem, try working it out with your wife.If there is anything you can do to make your marriage work again before you call it quits, seek out a marriage counselor.
Step 4: Take a break.
Don't look back once you're certain that leaving your wife is the best option.One of the most important things you need is certainty, so if your decision is sound right now, stick with it and try not to doubt yourself in the future.
Step 5: Someone should tell them.
As you begin the process, find someone you can talk to.This person shouldn't be your wife or someone who's loyalties lie with you.Hire a professional therapist if you want a reliable friend or relative.It is possible to get emotional support throughout the process and to be guided objectively when emotions are clouding your perspective.A level of safety is added by letting someone know.
Step 6: Determine where you'll go.
After you leave home, you need a place to stay.If you don't have a long-term plan, you should figure out where you can go on a temporary basis.For a while, the place you pick should be available to you.If you are going to stay at a friend's house, you should know how long you can stay in advance.If you plan on moving into your own place, begin shopping for an apartment before you tell your wife.If you can, sign the lease on your new place before you leave your wife.
Step 7: Clarify your expectations.
Ask yourself if you want to leave, or if a legal separation is a better alternative for the time being.
Step 8: You should list your assets.
List everything you share with your wife.You should plan out how you will divide the assets after you leave.You have a legal right to half of your financial assets if they are all kept in one place.Valuables that you and your spouse own must be divided equally.Family heirlooms can be counted among your goods.Make a list of the items you both own and the ones you want to fight for.You need to know which services are linked and which are not.Telephone and internet plans are included in services.The Internet at your house will become your wife's responsibility when you stop using it.Once the divorce or separation begins, mobile plans will need to be separated.
Step 9: Find all the paperwork you need.
This also includes your marriage certificate.Make copies of the paperwork.If you suspect problems during the split, you should keep these copies outside of your home.Look for vital statistics, military records related to benefits, bank statements, insurance policies, social security statements and information regarding retirement accounts.
Step 10: You can open a bank account.
If your wife has access to your personal account, open a private account without her knowledge.You can direct your paychecks to the new account.During this time, keep an eye on any joint accounts.If your wife is abusive, she may try to keep you from leaving by withdrawing money from your accounts.If you suddenly withdraw half of the money from your joint accounts, you could alert your wife that something is amiss.
Step 11: It's a good idea to put your items in a secure location.
You don't need to move heirlooms if you trust your wife.It's a good idea to remove anything that could be used against you if you're anticipating a problem.If you remove something from the house, make sure it's a separate person from you and your wife.Gifts and valuables are usually given to an individual instead of a married couple.
Step 12: Any weapons or possible weapons should be kept out of sight.
If you expect an amiable split, you don't need to worry about firearms in the home.If you have any reason to fear for your physical safety or for the safety of your wife, you should remove those weapons from the home and place them in a secure spot without her knowledge.You don't have to worry about your wife pulling a gun on you, but keep in mind what she might do to herself after you leave.If your wife might harm herself, you should remove all of the firearms from the house.
Step 13: Make some spare keys.
Regardless of whether or not your wife is an even-tempered woman, this is advisable.You should have a spare key for your car, home, and anything else important.These keys can be given to a friend or relative.
Step 14: Do you want to alert law enforcement?
This usually won't be necessary, but if your wife has threatened to file a false report of domestic abuse in the past, she just might follow through with that threat once she finds out that you intend to leave her.Let your local law enforcement officials know if you have made threats in the past.Inform the police about her previous threats, and ask them about ways to protect yourself against false reports.The police may need to check on a situation when a claim of domestic abuse is made, but if they have advance warning, they might take that into account when deciding what action to take in regards to that claim.
Step 15: Write something.
Before you tell your wife about the news, make a plan.memorize the script to the best of your abilityYou don't need to know everything, but you do have to remember.The focus should be on your reasons for leaving.Even if you feel that your wife is largely to blame, don't use accusatory language.Make sure that you leave room in the conversation for your wife to reply to your expectations with her own.As you prepare the script, check yourself.If you wrote something out of anger or a desire to hurt your wife, ask.Remove or revise that portion if it is true.
Step 16: It's a good idea to have your friend on hand.
After you talk things through with your wife, you will need support.Ask your trusted friend to be available to talk after you break the news.
Step 17: Make a plan.
Don't let your wife hear about the news at random.You have to plan out the day, time, and location.If you arrange things with your wife, she will know to leave the time slot open, but you won't tell her before the scheduled time.Don't let your wife know you're out at a party or restaurant before she leaves for work.It's a good idea to set aside a time when you can speak freely.If you're worried about your safety, a park is a good place to go.Don't let the temptation to blurt everything out in a moment of anger or pain get you.
Step 18: Go through your script and stay calm.
Go through the script you created with your wife by sitting down.Try to keep her from screaming during the talk.As possible, remain calm, detached, and objective.It's important that you don't talk with your wife at her.During your script, make sure you check in with her.It's important to be focused and consistent.Remember that your talk has a purpose.Do not say anything that could confuse the purpose of your talk.It will only delay the inevitable and draw things out even longer if you soothe your wife's feelings or distract her from the good memories you have shared.To improve your odds of being understood, don't argue over the meaning of words and state things, just as kindly as possible.If your wife is surprised or hurt by your declaration, try to be understanding, but don't back down or justify your decision.
Step 19: Tell your kids.
If you and your wife have kids, how do you tell them?Your children should be told by you and your wife.If you suspect that your wife will try to manipulate them, you need to sit down with your kids and have a separate talk with them.You should make a script for your kids in the same way you made your wife's script.They are not to blame for the separation if they are honest.You should wait until after you leave before telling your kids about it.
Step 20: Remove immediately.
You need to leave after you tell your wife that you're leaving.If possible, pack your bags and leave the house at the same time.Your wife is asking for trouble and you are staying in the same place.The atmosphere will get more volatile and the two of you will be more likely to argue.
Step 21: Start the process by hiring a lawyer.
Do not move your feet.When you are separated from your wife, you may be tempted to take your time on the legal proceedings, but the longer you delay, the harder it will be to make the next move.The court orders that protect your assets during the divorce process can only take effect once you file.It is possible that your wife will not take you seriously until she has those divorce papers in hand.
Step 22: All ties have to be cut off.
For now, you need to cut off all contact with exes that are unrelated to the divorce or separation.If you have kids, you will have to deal with each other more frequently to sort out the details of the separation.You need to cut out social calls on lonely nights when you want to have sex.
Step 23: Stay positive.
You can make it through the difficult process.Refer to loved ones and therapists for emotional support as needed, and consult with a lawyer or law expert for legal support.