It takes a lot of courage and strength to break free from an abusive relationship.The mental, emotional, and physical effects of trauma tend to linger for a while.It's possible to heal from your abuse, but it can take a long time.As you move forward, be patient and gentle with yourself, because you have been through a lot.You can do this!
Step 1: If you feel unsafe, take steps to secure your new location.
It's normal to be vulnerable after leaving an abusive relationship, especially if they have a history of stalking.Rent a PO box instead of having mail delivered to your new place if you have to relocate.If you want to, start taking a new route to work, change your work hours, and keep a cell phone on you at all times.
Step 2: To feel safer, install security and motion detection systems.
If you don't put additional security measures in place, you will not be able to rest or relax.Changing the locks in your home, barring the windows, and getting an electronic security system will make you feel safer.Another layer of security can be added with the addition of doorbell cams and outdoor motion sensor lighting.Whatever security measures are needed to make your space feel safe, take them.This is a normal reaction after being abused.
Step 3: Add security by filing a restraining order.
Legal action can make you feel safer.It is illegal for your abuser to show up at your home or workplace if you have a restraining order in place.Pick up the required form at the courthouse, fill it out, and submit the restraining order.It's free to use.Restraining orders are usually effective for a year.You need to research the rules in the state where you live.A restraining order can give you temporary legal custody of your children.
Step 4: As you heal, be patient.
"Time heals all wounds" isn't a very comforting idea right now, but healing from trauma and abuse does take time.You can't expect to heal overnight because trauma affects you physically, mentally, and emotionally.When you experience anxiety or fear, try not to judge yourself.These are normal reactions.Don't forget how strong you are!No one can stop you from regaining your life.Establishing a routine and sense of predictability can help you feel safe in the aftermath of abuse.Don't be too ambitious about what you expect from yourself right away, and be gentle with yourself.
Step 5: You should remind yourself that the abuse was not your fault.
The abuse was your fault, and your abuser tried to make you feel like you deserved it.Those things are not true.The fault of your partner's abuse is theirs.Remember that those thoughts are false if you start to think about them.It can take abuse survivors a while to stop believing these thoughts.Give yourself some time.In order to heal, you have to stop blaming yourself.The abuse was not your fault and you didn't deserve it.
Step 6: Give yourself time to grieve and grieve properly.
It is normal to grieve the loss of a relationship.Your initial feelings for your partner were real and you probably weren't abusive at first.You may have had other losses as a result of your abuse.Allow yourself time and space to grieve your losses.Grieving doesn't make you weak.Giving yourself permission to grieve is a sign of strength.
Step 7: You should keep a journal to remember the trauma.
You can record what happened to you in a journal.Don't hold back because no one will ever read it.Take the time to explore your feelings in your writing.It is possible to process trauma and understand yourself on a deeper level with the help of paper.If you aren't used to keeping a journal or writing pages about this topic, you can create lists with bullet points, write poetry or even draw how you feel.Whatever feels right to you.
Step 8: You can explore creative outlets to express your feelings.
Expressing your emotions in a creative and physical way can help you feel more in control of them.Try and learn creative hobbies like writing poetry, making music, or painting.Taking your life back is an emotional and empowering journey.It is possible to find sources of creative expression that will help you feel more powerful.
Your brain has accepted abuse as true if you have heard it many times.If you find yourself thinking negatively about yourself, stop and think.Find a positive thing to say, dispute a negative thought with logic or rephrase a thought in a helpful way.You might think things like "I deserved to be abused" or "No one will ever love me because I'm damaged goods."If you want to remind yourself that no one deserves to be abused, force your mind to stop.Call a friend for a chat or focus on a task.It takes time to change how you think about yourself, but choosing to focus on the positives can help.
Step 10: It's possible to control anxiety with easy breathing exercises.
Managing anxiety in healthy ways is important for trauma victims.If you feel confused, you can use breathing techniques to calm yourself.One of the easiest exercises to do is to simply take 60 deep breaths.Drug and alcohol use can be used to cope with stress and anxiety.It's not the same as numbing yourself and healing yourself.
Step 11: If you are having suicidal thoughts, talk to someone.
If your depression is out of control or you're considering suicide, please reach out to someone right away.It does not have to be a family member.You can be brutally honest when talking to someone you don't know.To speak to a live person, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline.Counselors can help you at any time of the day or night.To text with a trained crisis counselor, go to the Crisis Text Line.This service is available 24/7.
Step 12: You should seek the help of a therapist.
Depression, anxiety, anger issues, substance abuse, and eating disorders can all be symptoms of trauma.Look for a therapist who specializes in trauma.They can help you work through trauma in a healthy and effective way.If you don't know where to start, the American Psychological Association has a database of psychologists by area.
Step 13: You can join a local or online support group.
Domestic abuse survivors can connect with other people who have been through the same thing.You can give and receive support, talk about your experiences in a safe place, and reduce the feelings of isolation that many abuse survivors suffer.Speak to someone at the National Domestic Abuse Hotline if you want to find a local support group.Call for more information.
Step 14: When you need support, lean on a trusted family member or friend.
If you don't want to talk about your abuse with friends and family, they can still be comforting.Choose someone who listens to you without judgement and who you're comfortable with.You could ask for emotional support from a trusted family member, friend, counselor, or clergyman.
Step 15: You can contact domestic abuse organizations.
You can get help from public organizations after surviving domestic abuse.Most states and larger cities have some kind of organization in place that you can contact for help or additional resources.You can find a list of victims and survivors by state at thehotline.org.
Step 16: To recover, prioritize sleep, rest, and relaxation.
When you are out of danger, the trauma of abuse can manifest in unexpected ways.You can experience changes in your eating and sleeping habits.Allow yourself to rest and be gentle with yourself.Try to stick to a sleep schedule.To feel rested, aim to get 7-9 hours of sleep every night.Sometimes, as a victim of abuse, you were too afraid or upset to sleep.You don't need to feel guilty about sleeping or resting.
Step 17: Eat a balanced diet and learn more about nutrition.
To keep your energy up, try to eat small, balanced meals throughout the day.Omega-3 fats are found in salmon, walnuts, soybeans, and flaxseeds.Sugary and fried foods can make you feel tired and sluggish.You can incorporate fresh fruits and veggies into your diet.5 serves per day is what you should aim for.Try to pay more attention to the serving sizes on packaged food labels.
Step 18: Most days you should exercise for 30 minutes.
Over time trauma can damage your nervous system.You can take control of that damage by exercising frequently.You should aim for 30 minutes of exercise on most days.Break that half hour up into 3 mini-sessions that are 10 minutes each.Rhythmic exercise that engages your whole body is the most helpful.Walking, running, swimming, basketball, and dancing are all options.There are exercises that can be used to help trauma victims.Rock climbing, boxing, weight training, and martial arts are all possibilities.