Are you cursed with a constant need to save or fix?A white knight syndrome is a personality construct that appears to be motivated by the urge to help.A savior complex can give a person an outlet to focus on so that they don't address their own problems.You can be cured if you suffer from a savior complex.If you want to get rid of your need to rescue others, you have to change how you relate to others.
Step 1: Become an active listener.
People may just want to vent, not be fixed.Many rescuers assume others are powerless and unable to resolve their own problems.If you listen more actively, you may learn that you don't need help, just a supportive shoulder and listening ear.Don't reply immediately when a partner or friend comes to you with a problem.Occasionally, make eye contact with the person.Face them.To cue into their emotional state, examine their body language.The shoulders may be tense.Show you're listening by nodding.To connect to the speaker's message, try to separate what you're hearing from your own judgments.If you don't know what they're trying to convey, ask clarifying questions like "Are you saying...?"
Step 2: It's a good idea to wait before stepping in.
Don't listen to what your loved one is saying and wait it out.If you give people the chance, they can often help themselves.You may have been enabling your loved ones by always swooping in to save the day.When a loved one comes to you with a problem, challenge yourself to not offer help or advice.If a friend is going through a difficult time, try giving them validation statements instead of offering to help.You can say, "I'm so sorry you're going through this right now."This shows your understanding of the problem.
Step 3: When asked for help, offer it only.
The ingrained desire to help even when not wanted is a key aspect of the savior complex.It shows you don't believe in their ability to help themselves that you assume everyone wants to be rescued.You should only take action after a clear appeal for help.If a friend tells you about a bad day, simply listen.If the friend asks, "what do you think?" or "What should I do?", you should step into the helping role.If a friend asks for your help, give it as much as you can.Establish boundaries so that you don't overcommit yourself.You can say, "I don't think I can talk to your friend for you."I can help you take your mind off of the fight.
Step 4: It's time to stop taking responsibility for other adults.
Despite the close relationship you might have with partners, relatives, or friends, you need to realize that these individuals are separate entities in charge of their own lives.Everyone else is put into roles similar to helpless children or invalids when you play the role of savior.It is hard to see a loved one hurt or make a mistake, but it is not your job to save them.A cornerstone to positive growth and development is adversity.They need to go through difficulties in order to learn.You rob them of learning opportunities if you take that from them.Asking them questions about how they might handle the situation will help others establish their independence."What do you think you can do about this?" is a question you might ask.What options have you entertained?
Step 5: Accept that you're not good enough.
Many people with the savior complex come off as goody two-shoes, lecturing others about their wrongdoings and negative habits.Your loved ones may see your constant fixing habit as an indication that you think they are broken or screwed up.Everyone has flaws.A flaw is a person not recognizing that he or she has flaws.Success is defined subjectively.What is right for one may be wrong for another.You can have a particular way of judging what is best for a person, but that doesn't mean the other person sees it that way.Know what is right for another.Peer relationships are very similar to this.Drug abuse, suicidal signs, and abusive situations are some of the things that need immediate intervention.Accept that you have strengths and weaknesses.It's possible that you aren't the person to do a task or offer advice.Everyone can do everything well.
Step 6: Be alone.
The white knight and savior often jump from relationship to relationship.It may be time to take a break from relationships if this describes you.If you aren't in a long-term relationship, take some time to enjoy being single and nurture your own needs.Spending some time single can help you understand your tendencies.It is possible to explore the parts of yourself that cause this habit.To help you keep this goal, you may want to set an amount of time that you remain single.You might want to give yourself six months.Set goals for yourself during this time.
Step 7: It's a good idea to set goals for yourself.
Compulsive helpers try to fix others to prevent them from doing their own.You develop unrealistic goals that eventually wear away at your self-esteem if you view yourself as a savior.You can rebuild by creating realistic goals.Pick a goal that will allow you to focus on yourself.Losing weight is one thing, writing a novel is another.It should be a specific, measurable, realistic, and time-bound goal.You might say, "I want to lose 15 pounds in 10 weeks." Then, map out how you will achieve this goal: " I will eat a serving of vegetables at every meal."I will work out 5 days a week.I will only drink water.They may be able to tell if the goals are realistic.They can give you ideas to achieve your goals.
Step 8: Take care of yourself.
People with a savior complex often put themselves in dire need of self-care because they dedicate all their time and energy to others.Do something nice for yourself instead of helping others.A routine that includes nurturing activities can be created.You could make a ritual to help you sleep.A new exercise habit is running or yoga.You should get your hair or nails done weekly.Run a warm bath and listen to music.Go back into yourself.You can ask a friend or family member to be an accountability partner.This person will make sure you follow through with your self-care.They should check in with you often.
Step 9: Look at past relationship patterns.
Are you aware of your innate need to control others?Some people may be reading this to deny a complex.You can see a pattern of helping in your relationships with others.Did you stay in a relationship because you thought the other person needed you?Do you worry a lot about others and their problems?Do you feel guilty when others help you?You quickly try to resolve the problem if you are uncomfortable letting others experience negative emotions.Do you find solace in connecting with people you've been with before?If you answered yes to any of the questions, you should see a therapist.A therapist can help you figure out if these are bad for you.
Step 10: You have neglected aspects of yourself.
In your attempt to fix everyone around you, you have left yourself starving emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually.To look closer at areas of personal need, perform a self-assessment.It is possible that you have been projecting your own weaknesses onto those around you.Pick out your personal values.What are your beliefs, ideas, and principles?Have you followed your values?Do you have emotional intelligence?Are you able to express your feelings?Take a look at yourself.Is your self-esteem related to how much others need you?
Step 11: Acknowledge childhood trauma and make peace with it.
The need to help others is ingrained in you as a child.People who suffer from a white knight syndrome are trying to fix a negative sense of themselves that started in early life, according to researchers.This complex may have been caused by low self-esteem, abuse or neglect.It is possible to choose friends or partners who are going through the same distress that you experienced as a child.Awareness is the first step in repairing a damaged sense of self.Take notice of the patterns you form.You may say, "I am drawn to damaged or toxic people because I am trying to rescue the part of myself that was abused as a child."
Step 12: Codependency issues can be treated by a therapist.
People with white knight syndrome have a problem with codependency.You rely on others to feel emotional voids.You neglect yourself in favor of doing for others because you want to be needed.A competent mental health therapist can help you recover from codependency.It is possible to participate in self-help support groups for people with codependency issues.It is possible to research codependency to identify your own needs and patterns.It is possible to find a solution that works for you.