You just had a fight with your mother.You've decided to lock yourself in your room and cut off all contact, but that isn't working either.You may feel like you want to keep your mother out of your life.You should not.One of the most significant relationships you have, and all it takes is a little effort to make things right.
Step 1: Take some time off.
Allow your mother to relax and give yourself time to think.If you can, get out of the house and give both of you some space to cool down.If you want to clear your head, go for a walk or spend time with friends.Listen to music or talk to a friend on the phone if you are grounded and not allowed to leave home.
Step 2: Take a look at your part in the fight.
If you had a disagreement with your mom, you may have said things like "she is ugly" or "you are a curse words".Is it possible to see aspects of the fight that were your fault?Did you violate a rule?Do you want to say a curse word?Is it possible to get bad grades in school?Are you upset because she won't allow you to do something?Try to identify at least three things you did wrong by thinking about your role in the fight.You will be able to build a genuine apology for her later.Sometimes fights happen when we are tired or hungry.Did any of these conditions apply to your case?Did you fly off the handle with your mom because you had a bad day at school?
Step 3: Try to see it from her point of view.
Try to view the fight from your mom's perspective now that you have a better idea of what happened.Was she tired after work?Is she well or sick?Did you make an accusation or offensive statement when she was distracted?Counselors have used a strategy for years to help people identify when they need self-care and avoid heated discussions.HALT stands for hungry, angry, lonely, and tired.It is possible to prevent unnecessary disagreements by taking a good measure of your own and your mother's mood state in the future.
Step 4: A role reversal would be a good idea.
Teenagers and young adults may not understand their parents' thinking on certain decisions.The parents say no and that's all you hear.You don't understand why the decision was made.To better understand your mother's actions, imagine yourself talking to your child.How would you handle a fight with your child?Would you say yes or no?Is it possible that you would have let your back talk or snide comments go?If your child's safety was in question, would you listen to the counterargument?Think about parenting from this point-of-view and you will be able to empathise with your mom and understand her decisions.
Step 5: Go to her and apologize.
After you and your mom have distanced yourselves from the fight, apologize to her.You should be more appreciative of her position as your parent by now.Go to your mom and ask if it's a good time to talk.Say you're sorry if she invites you to talk.You can use a few of the behaviors you identified as wrong to apologize.It could be like this, "I am sorry I waited until the last minute to tell you about the money I needed for school."There is a remedy for the issue."I will try to give you advanced notice in the future when I need money for school things."
Step 6: Tell her that you've tried to follow her path.
After some thought, you realized that you were inconsiderate or inappropriate during the fight.Give her a few points about the things you said were not helpful to the argument.You took the time to consider your mom's point of view.She may see you as more mature.
Step 7: Make her feel respected.
It can come off as disrespectful to your mom if you have an attitude or refuse to listen.Even if you don't think you did anything, your mom may have felt disrespected after the argument.You should acknowledge your respect for her by doing a few things.Pay attention when she speaks and try to listen.Don't text on your phone when she's talking.She does a lot of things for you.Share what's happening in your life with her.She has an opinion about important topics.Don't interrupt when she's talking.She doesn't have to ask if she does chores or tasks.Refer to her by her preferred name.Either Mom or Mother.She should not use curse words or confusing phrases in her presence.
Step 8: You can communicate your feelings in a respectful way.
The fight may have left you feeling isolated.After listening to and showing your mother that you can see things from her perspective, try to help her understand yours."I" statements can be used to take ownership of your feelings and minimize the chance that your mom will find out.Then, let your mom know what she needs to know.You and your mom were arguing about how often you went over to your friend's house.Whitney is really upset over her parents' divorce and I have been spending time with her.I am aware of your concern.It would be great if you could work with me so I could support my friend and still get my schoolwork done here.
Step 9: You can discover a common interest.
Is this related to getting over a fight with your mom?You can forge a closer bond with her if you find an activity that you both enjoy.Spending time with your mom in a relaxed state, such as while watching a movie, going for a run, or gardening, may help you to see her as a person with many aspects, just like you.You may get a better sense of respect and love for your mom.