In children of all ages, Defiance is very common.If the child is not given reasonable consequences, it can make the job of parenting much more difficult and lead to long-term behavioral problems.It is possible to reduce the occurrence of defiant behavior and ensure that your child develops maturity by communicating consistent behavioral expectations.There are more serious behavioral disorders that can manifest as defiance.
Step 1: Behavioral expectations should be reasonable.
You should communicate expectations for your child's behavior.Your child's behavioral skills and abilities should be considered when you develop these expectations.It's not reasonable to ask your child to stay quiet for several hours at a time.You set your rules up for failure if you impose expectations that are beyond the capacity of the child.Even into adulthood, the part of your child's brain that controls impulses and emotions is constantly developing.Do you know what rules your child is capable of following?The child can help create rules.Since they had a say in making the rules, they may have more incentive to follow them.If your child is able to comply with certain behavioral expectations but does not do so consistently, this is likely an act of defiance.Discipline should be imposed appropriately in these situations.It's a good idea to explain your expectations to your child without being distracted by other things.You may want to write them down and post them in the house where they will see them every day.
Step 2: Stay calm.
The children try to provoke a reaction.In the short term, yelling, threatening, pleading with them to stop, or simply giving into their demands will not teach them how to behave maturely.You can set an example by being calm and firm.Your child will tire themselves out and find other ways to get your attention in the future if they continue their tantrum for a while.There is a natural childhood reaction to feelings of powerlessness.If you give your child a small amount of control, they may be able to deal with situations where they aren't in control.Giving your child acceptable options is the best way to give them a manageable amount of freedom.If your child wants to dress themselves, lay out 2 or 3 acceptable clothing options and let them choose.Meal options, recreational activities, and other things can be done the same way.Working with your child will make them feel powerful.If you find it necessary to diffuse the situation by giving them a lollipop or agreeing to do something later, you should have a backup plan.If you find their public behavior problematic, arrange for homecare when you need to attend a public gathering.
Step 3: Practice listening.
Children who feel powerless and unheard are more likely to have defiant behavior.Allow your child to react without judgement.If you notice the point they are making and repeat it back to them, you will be able to understand their feelings.This will make it more likely that they will respect and understand your response.If your child does not want to go to school, instead of trying to convince them, ask them why, acknowledge their concerns, and suggest ways they can cope with them.Explain why they have to attend in simple and honest terms after acknowledging their feelings.Agreeing or caving to your child's feelings is not the same as accepting them.Your child learns by example from your active listening.
Step 4: Good behavior will be rewarded.
It is equally important to provide a clear incentive for good behavior as it is to deter bad behavior.When your child does comply with your commands, you should express gratitude and admiration for their good behavior.Extra playtime, extra television time, or their favorite snack are small rewards that can be provided.As negative reinforcements, avoid criticism and punishments.Offering praise and focusing on what they are doing correct is a better way to get them to continue their positive behavior.Positive reinforcement is more effective than negative reinforcement.
Step 5: Stick to the plan.
If you are confronted with defiance, think of reasonable punishments for problematic behaviors.It will prevent you from seeming arbitrary and remove emotion from your discipline.Your child will adapt to your rules if they are consistently applied.
Step 6: Privileges can be taken away if set.
Offer your child a certain amount of internet time per day or the ability to buy a new toy every week.These are privileges, not rights, and will be taken away when they act defiantly.A time limit should be set for the removal of privileges.If the defiant behavior continues, the timespan of the punishment will increase and the privilege needs to be earned back.
Step 7: timeouts are used.
timeouts are used for more severe bad behavior.Studies show that timeouts are the most effective form of negative reinforcement and can serve as an effective deterrent for defiance.If bad behavior continues, give your child a warning and timeout.Send your child to a room with no electronics.If your initial timeouts aren't working, forcing them to stand in a corner or face a wall can be used as an escalating factor.If your child is under 6 years old, you should sit with them during timeouts and perform a positive activity like reading a book or doing a puzzle together.They will be able to adjust to the idea of a cool down period.
Step 8: Don't use violence.
The behavior of a defiant child is more likely to be corrected with physical force.When done with mild force, physical discipline is linked with aggression, anti-social behavior, and mental health problems later in life.
Step 9: There are signs of oppositional defiant disorder.
If your child is obstinate, they may have a disorder called oppositional defiant disorder.To treat it, you will need a diagnosis from a Psychiatrist.There are a variety of symptoms of ODD, including an extreme tendency toward argumentativeness, impulsivity, and significant behavioral problems at school.Antisocial behavior and self harm are associated with ODD.The symptoms of ODD can be seen before the age of 8.The symptoms should last at least six months before a diagnosis can be made.
Step 10: There are signs of attention deficit hyper activity disorder.
Children with persistent behavioral problems are more likely to be diagnosed with attention deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.To confirm this, you will need a diagnosis from a Psychiatrist.There are a number of cognitive and talk therapies that can be used to treat attention deficit disorder.There is a constant inability to stay focused.Mood swings, anxiety, and depression can accompany it.You should talk to your children frequently so you know what's going on.They may be acting out due to stress unrelated to the current situation.They might be being bullied or bored with what they are being taught.This can lead to similar behavior.
Step 11: There are signs of trauma.
A sign of traumatic stress in children is persistent defiance.The cause of trauma can be physical, emotional or both.You will need to see a therapist if your child is expressing bad behavior because of traumatic stress.A sharp change in behavior and mood after a potentially traumatic event is an obvious sign that it is linked to the event.There are signs that bad behavior is linked to trauma.You can get to the real issues behind your child's behavior by talking to a therapist.There are medications that can keep symptoms at bay.