People who are self-centered, lack empathy, and need constant attention are referred to as a "narcissistic" person.Most of the time, these individuals have an inflated sense of their own importance.They are vulnerable to criticism.This article can help you improve your relationship with your husband if you know how to manage his behavior.
Step 1: Find out if your husband is selfish.
People with a high IQ are usually very self-centered.They have inflated egos.They are self-centered and always looking for ways to be the best.The husband may not love you as much as you love him.While not caring about yours, he may care more about his needs and interests.They don't understand or care about what other people are going through.
Step 2: Do you think your husband is jealous?
They get jealous of other people's accomplishments because they are so focused on getting ahead and gaining admiration.This can lead to possessive behavior.
Step 3: Do you know if your husband is controlling?
The spouse can be dependent on the husband if he tries to control them by isolating them from friends and family.They can try to control their spouse by not showing her affection.Some husbands can use verbal and emotional abuse.They can make you cry or feel bad.They might try to control and manipulate their wife.
Step 4: Determine if your husband is telling the truth.
There are people who use lies to manipulate their spouses.They don't have to take responsibility for anything because they tell half-truths.The blame is usually shifted to the spouse.This is bad for the spouse because they end up with all the blame.
Step 5: Talk to your husband.
You should be able to talk about issues that arise because you are married.When you talk to him, keep a level head.Explain to him in a non-confrontational way that you are unhappy with the direction your relationship is headed, and strike a convincing tone.Avoid accusatory tones and words.Tell him how he makes you feel.Say something like, "I need to talk to you about your selfish behavior."If you're afraid that he's cheating or spending too much time with other women, say, "You mean so much to me; I hear you talking to her and I'm scared I am not enough for you."If your husband talks to you in a way that makes you feel small and worthless, tell him.Don't yell at your spouse.Talking about your hurt and fears is a more effective method of communication.Think about your husband's moods and reactions on a scale from 1-10.Wait before suggesting therapy if he is angry or upset at a level of 3 or higher.Mentioning it when his emotions are high will be counter productive.
Step 6: Understand where he's coming from by asking questions.
Asking questions will flatter him because it focuses the conversation on him.Say what he tells you to do to show you're listening.It helps to keep him in the center so that you can focus on your concerns later.Look at what he says.I know exactly how that feels, if your husband says, "I feel that no one appreciates what I do."That must be very difficult.
Step 7: The term we should be used instead of you.
Use "we" instead of "you" when pointing out his faults or suggesting a marriage counselor.This gives the illusion of a shared responsibility and blame instead of making it seem like all his fault, which may cause a negative reaction in a narcissist.Instead of saying "You hurt me by being selfish", say "We hurt each other because we sometimes think more about ourselves."
Step 8: It's about his benefit if you frame it.
They don't care about anyone else's needs.To get something you want, make it seem like it's about him.Don't say, "I want to go eat dinner with Bob and Julie."They would love to have you at dinner.Tell your husband that you do things for him.Say something like, "If you help me clean the garage, you show everyone how good you are at taking care of me."
Step 9: Don't approach marriage counseling lightly.
It's important to think about your wording when suggesting therapy because many people are against it.Making it seem like there are things you can work through may encourage him to seek counseling with you.Don't push it all on him, take responsibility for your actions.I would like to see a therapist to figure out how we can communicate better and enjoy each other's company more.I want to find ways to make our relationship better so we can both get what we need.The tone is not accusatory.Attend multiple sessions together.One session will probably not be enough.Shoot for 3-4.Your counselor can help you make a decision.
Step 10: A trusted friend or relative can be consulted.
A friend or relative could help you deal with your husband.They can tell you how long this problem has been going on.Is he like this since he was an adolescent?Is it a recent development?Discuss your husband's past with family members.Is there anything you can do to alleviate this problem?Ask your friends and relatives what they did to deal with your husband.They may have more experience than you.
Step 11: Look for the root of the problem.
Sometimes men can make up for their feelings with disagreeable ways.Try to find out what happened that made him act like this.To find out why he's hurting, step into his shoes.He might feel like he isn't adequate if he's injured or just got a new job.He may be trying to pay attention to himself."Maybe not, but we have a lot of good things" is what you should say if your husband says "My life isn't where I hoped it would be".We can work on the things you don't like.Give him a list of things you can work on together and point out the good things in your life and relationship.If your husband has been hurt or injured, tell him, "I know you are not at 100% right now, but that doesn't make you less of a person/man."You give more than just a paycheck to this relationship.
Step 12: Find out if your husband is willing to change.
There is a way for you and your husband to work through the problems if he is willing to change.There is no hope for the relationship to improve if your husband is not willing to change.Talk to him about his behavior."I feel like I'm being taken for granted and this relationship is more about you than me" is a good way to start.This might not work for a lot of people.Make everything about him when you start the conversation.Say, "You are a great provider and strong presence in this relationship, and then go into your concerns carefully."
Step 13: Give him a small amount of rewards.
It can be difficult to get a person to do things.Try to get him to help you.You can change his expectations from him getting what he wants while you get what you want.Tell him you will do something for him after he mows the lawn if you want him to."If you mow the lawn for me this weekend, I will cook chicken wings and a cake for your poker game next Tuesday."The reward needs to be after the task.He needs to help you before he gets rewarded.
Step 14: Give him the attention he deserves.
Your husband deserves to be loved.Giving him attention doesn't mean feeding his ego.Tell him you love him, then decide on activities to do after work or on weekends.Through the day, text each other.You are paying attention to him and that should please him.Each night, spend half an hour or forty five minutes talking about your days.To make sure he listens to you, say, "We each can spend half an hour talking about our days, and then switch back and forth between stories."Frame things where he is the center of attention when choosing activities on the weekend.Say, "I know you want to see that new movie, why don't we go see it?""You look like you could use some stress relief; let's go for a hike."
Step 15: Be patient.
It takes time for large-scale behavior changes.Don't expect an immediate change.Continue to be kind, compassionate, understanding, and loving.Set an example of humility.Don't be sarcastic.As you assess his progress, be honest.Is he trying to change?Is he still treating you badly?Is the relationship worth it?
Step 16: There needs to be a strong presence in the marriage.
You should make a place for yourself in the marriage.Whether it is money, the house, sex, or something else, take some control over it.Make sure that your husband knows that you are as important to the marriage as he is, even if you think you're the most important person in the relationship.Some of the situations have humor in them.If your husband thinks he's perfect, use humor.He's not perfect, the best, or the center of the universe.Let him know that you love him and that other people are important too.
Step 17: Remember that you are deserving.
He might think that he deserves special treatment because he makes the money and pays the bills.He doesn't have the right to disrespect you or anyone else.A host of other problems may surface if you confront your husband.Stick to the ground rules that were set.You should always set a time-out signal so that you can calm down.If this doesn't help it's time to go for counseling.
Step 18: Take back your confidence.
It can affect your confidence.Start building again.You can use that confidence to handle the situations your husband throws you, use it to stay strong when he lies, and stay calm if he doesn't respond well to your attempts to talk.Find things to do.Making yourself feel important and significant is part of gaining confidence in yourself.You can learn to sew, take a dance class, run or write.Do something that makes you happy.
Step 19: It's a good idea to walk away.
This is just a way to control you when your husband loses his temper because something doesn't go his way.Leave the room, leave the house, or roll your eyes.This makes him less powerful, which makes you more powerful.
Step 20: A support system is needed.
Your husband is not giving you a support system.Friends, family, or mental health professionals can be in this system.They can help you stay strong.
Step 21: Leave the marriage.
If the relationship has gotten to the point where it is abusive, more than you can handle, or detrimental to your emotional and mental health, it might be time to separate or get a divorce.If you want a divorce, be assertive.Don't get emotional when talking to legal counsel.You want to present a collected persona because the narcissist will be emotional.Explain your husband's behavior without being angry or holding back the facts.Tell the truth and be factual.There are present patterns of behavior.The legal counsel may not know what a narcissist is.Show the lawyers his behavior.