It is important to remember that you are in charge of your journey as coming out is a deeply personal process.It is safe to come out to your friends, family, and community on your own terms.Coming out to someone can be difficult even if they are open and supportive.Being nervous is normal.Hang in!Regardless of how others react to your news, love and respect yourself.
Step 1: You need to come to terms with your sexuality or gender identity.
It might be easier to tell your friends and family if you're comfortable with who you are.You don't need to have all of the answers because it's normal to feel confused.Accept that your sexuality or gender identity is part of who you are, and know that you have no reason to be ashamed.It is an important first step to come out to yourself.Tell yourself that you are gay, bisexual, or trans, and that is okay.It is possible to remind yourself that you are not alone.Try to read books about other people coming out.
Step 2: You are in charge of the coming out process.
Don't allow anyone to pressure you to come out.Don't allow a friend or family member to pressure you into coming out to your parents.Take each step of your journey at your own pace because you are in control of who you tell and when.You don't need to follow the timelines of your friends who came out years ago.What is right for them isn't necessarily the right thing for you.It can lift a heavy weight off of your shoulders if you come out.It can be risky.If you don't feel safe coming out, it's not your only choice.
Step 3: People shouldn't label your sexuality or gender identity.
Once you are comfortable with the label, adopt it.Don't let someone else define your identity for you if you're unsure or not ready to put a label on it.You might feel pressured to use a label from both straight and gay friends.If you tell your friend that you think you are bisexual, they might say, "Well I'm sure you're really gay, but you can say 'bi' for now." No one knows you better than you."In order to be your authentic self, you need to tell everyone in your life your specific orientation or gender label.No one has the right to dictate another person's sexual orientation or gender identity.Being gay, bi, or queer is part of your identity, just as a straight person isn't solely defined by their sexual orientation.You don't have to change who you are to fit someone's standards.
Step 4: Before telling a loved one, you should get a sense of how accepting they are.
The first person you tell should be open, accepting, and supportive.Bring up issues like gay marriage or teen homelessness with your friends and family.I saw a story about same-sex marriage.Before coming out to someone, think about how accepting they are of other people.Do they treat a loved one who is openly gay with love, support, and respect?Do they make offensive jokes?If you have a trusted friend who is a member of the LGBTQ+ community, you should tell them first.There is a lower risk that they will react negatively because they have been in your shoes.
Step 5: People will respect your privacy.
The first people you tell should be trustworthy.If you come out to them, be sure to tell them that they shouldn't tell anyone what you've told them.Do you know if they gossip?Have they broken your trust in the past?Do they tell you about other people's secrets?
Step 6: If it seems less intimidating, write a letter.
If coming out to a loved one face-to-face is too intimidating, you could write them a letter.Let them know that you trust them and want to share something important with them.Tell them about your sexual orientation in simple terms.You could write, "I have wanted to tell you that I am gay, but I have been so scared."I think part of me has known most of my life, but I have never really accepted it until recently.If you handed them the letter and asked them to read it in your presence, they would be more than happy to do that.It might be easier to say what you want in writing.If you are worried about coming out to your parents, you could write a letter.
Step 7: A supportive friend will help you.
An understanding friend can help you gain the courage to move forward.You might be less anxious about telling other people in the future if you have a positive first experience.It might be easier to come out to your friends.Keep in mind that you are in charge.You should tell your parents first if you feel more comfortable doing so.People do not always meet your expectations, and you can't control their reaction.If someone does not react the way you expected, don't get discouraged.When people are shocked or upset, they become more accepting after a while.
Step 8: It's a good idea to tell them in a private place.
Private, distraction-free time and place can make it easier to come out.Don't have the conversation when your friend is stressed, upset, or busy.It will be easier for you to express yourself clearly, and your friend will have a chance to process what you have to say.If your friend is running late for work or has a basketball game in 10 minutes, you wouldn't want to deliver the news.You don't have to make a big deal about it.Say to your friend that you want to tell them something.
Step 9: Try to be positive.
Relax and say, "I wanted to tell you something."I am gay.If you haven't come out to anyone else, let your friend know that you've chosen to tell them because you trust thatIt is not like you tell your friend that you have a life-threatening sickness or confess to a crime.You are sharing something with someone you trust.It's a good thing to keep your tone positive.
Step 10: Allow your friend to ask questions
Be patient, your friend might need a moment to process what you said.Let them know that they can ask any questions, and give them a few minutes to respond.Your friend might not have any questions, or they might say that they are not surprised.Don't worry if the conversation is awkward or not.Give your friend time to read the news.
Step 11: As you come out to others, let them know that you need their help.
It can be a lot less overwhelming if you know that you have someone to lean on.Tell your friend that you need their support through your coming out journey.It is such a relief that you have been accepting.You might be able to give me a pep talk now and then because I am still anxious about telling other people.You might not get the support you expected when you come out to friends and family.Don't get discouraged if someone needs more time to process what you've said or if their reaction is negative.You can get support from other people.
Step 12: If you are worried about telling your family, build a support system.
It is possible to feel more confident about yourself if you come out to your friends.It's important to have people you trust who can lend emotional and practical support if you don't know how your parents will react.If you think your parents will stop supporting you, it might be a good idea to put off coming out.If you have to tell your parents regardless of the outcome, you should stay with a supportive friend or relative.Make sure your friends understand that your family doesn't know and ask them to respect your privacy if you're not ready to tell your parents.
Step 13: You should try to anticipate how your parents will react.
In the best case scenario, they will be completely accepting, that they might have already known, and that this conversation won't cause tension.If your parents have shown discrimination in the past, coming out to them could be risky.There is a good chance that your parents will be supportive if they have expressed positive views of the LGBTQ+ community, supported other people coming out, and are generally open minded.When you tell your parents that you are gay, keep in mind that they might still be angry.
Step 14: If your safety is at risk, don't come out.
Some people are better off not coming out to their parents.It is in your best interest to wait to tell them if you are financially dependent on them.Do you know if they will stop supporting you, stop paying your school tuition, or kick you out of the house?If your well-being is at risk, you shouldn't come out to them.
Step 15: Inform your family that you will be coming out to them.
It is helpful to know that you have friends who you can rely on.Inform your friends or relatives when you plan to come out to your parents.Regardless of how things go with your parents, your loved ones will be there for you.If you decide to come out to your parents but are worried they will be upset, ask a supportive loved one if you can stay with them.
Step 16: It's a good idea to come out to your parents at a calm time.
Pick a time when you and your parents are not busy.If there are no major life events happening, you might have an easier time.If a relative has just passed away or the night before your sister gets married, don't tell them.It's important to make sure the emotional climate at home is stable.If you have just gotten grounded or your parents are fighting, you might want to wait.
Step 17: Don't come out during a fight
You should not use the news as a weapon during an argument with your parents.You will make it harder for them to come to terms with your sexuality or gender identity if you tell them out of spite.
Step 18: To be honest, tell your parents that you love them.
Let them know that you want a loving relationship with them.Tell them that you want them to be a part of your life, and that their love and support means a lot to you.Keep your cool by taking a deep breath.If you are honest, your parents might surprise you and thank you for it.In simple, matter-of-fact terms, tell them that you are gay or bisexual.
Step 19: If they feel shocked or upset, let them know you understand.
Your news may come as a complete shock to some parents.They may be afraid that you won't be able to get married and have children.If their fears are justified, try to be sympathetic instead of taking it personally.You have a right to have strong feelings, and I get that this is a lot to take in.This is who I am, and I'm happy with it.Please don't be angry or blame yourself because this is not a bad thing.Assure them that you are happy and healthy, and that life poses challenges for everyone, regardless of their orientation or gender identity.In general, people are becoming more accepting of other lifestyles.Tell your parents about the non-discrimination or same-sex marriage laws in your country.
Step 20: Give your parents some time to digest the news.
Parents are supportive when they already know.It can take months or years for other parents to accept the news.If they have questions, be prepared to answer them.Make sure you feel safe while you wait for them to process your news.As long as you are safe, you can remain at home.You should lean on your friends while you give your parents time to process the information.You can get through a rough patch with your support network.
Step 21: Suggestions of educational resources that might ease their concerns.
It is possible that your parents will come around in time.Don't start with terminology that is beyond their understanding.Give the parents of members of the community some resources.They should check out the website of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) at www.pflag.org.
Step 22: You can come out at your own pace.
Let your parents know that you will come out to the rest of your family on your own terms.Ask your parents to respect your privacy if you don't want other relatives to know.You can choose when and how you come out to the people in your life.It is fine if you think it would be easier for your parents to tell other family members.The steps that make you most comfortable are what you are in charge of.
Step 23: Decide which parts of your life are safe.
You may only want to keep your friends and family in the dark, and not come out at work or school.After you come out to a few people, you don't have to tell anyone.If you don't feel safe at work or school, it's fine.Straight friends may try to convince you to come out in all areas of your life.Tell them you know what's best for them.
Step 24: Take your community's level of tolerance into account.
Some communities are more accepting than others.If you live in a tolerant community, coming out might not be a big deal.Staying safe is more important than coming out if you encounter homophobia or transphobia frequently.It is not your responsibility to come out and try to change society if it is illegal in your country.You don't need to put your safety at risk if you know how to treat others with dignity and respect.
Step 25: You should research your local laws and employer policy.
Make sure you are protected from discrimination before you go to work.Without legal protection, your employer might be able to fire you for coming out.Measure the climate at work.People make offensive jokes.How close are you to your coworkers?If you have any coworkers who are openly gay, you could ask them for advice.You don't need to pull everyone aside and come out to them individually if you feel compelled to live openly at work.Without making a big announcement or speech, you could simply bring your partner or date to a work event.
Step 26: Come out on social media.
It is easier for some people to come out on social media.Talk about it in a status, change your interested in setting, or just let people figure it out from the photos you are tagged in.If you tell your friends and family one-on-one before posting on social media, they will appreciate it.
Step 27: Accept people and surround yourself with positive people.
As soon as you come out, you don't need to keep all of your straight friends.Try to spend time with friends who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or queer.Talking to people who have faced similar challenges is a great way to build confidence.If you don't have many friends in the community, look for a local organization that connects them.You may have an alliance at work or school.
Step 28: Negative reactions can hurt your self-esteem.
Even if you live in an open, accepting community, you will be ignorant at some point in your life.Don't waste your time or energy fighting someone who makes a bad comment.They should not lower your self-esteem.You can control what other people say, but not what they do.No matter what anyone says, love and respect yourself.Vent to a friend when you are upset.If someone has your best interests at heart, they might be willing to listen to a rational conversation.It is possible to tell them what it is like to walk in your shoes.